1.
A farmer drove to a neighbor's farmhouse and knocked at the door.A boy, about 9, opened the door“Is your dad or mum home?” said the farmer.“No, they went to town.”“How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?”“No, he went with Mum and Dad.”The farmer stood
A farmer drove to a neighbor's farmhouse and knocked at the door.A boy, about 9, opened the door“Is your dad or mum home?” said the farmer.“No, they went to town.”“How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?”“No, he went with Mum and Dad.”The farmer stood
2.
The Birthday SurpriseDuring lunch at work, I ate 3 plates of beans (which I know I shouldn't).When I got home, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly, “Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight.”He then blindfolded me and led me
The Birthday SurpriseDuring lunch at work, I ate 3 plates of beans (which I know I shouldn't).When I got home, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly, “Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight.”He then blindfolded me and led me
3.
Wife's Diary:Tonight, I thought Tom was acting weirdWe had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinnerI was shopping with my friends all day long; and I was a little late for our date.Conversation wasn't flowing, so I thought he was upset at the fa
Wife's Diary:Tonight, I thought Tom was acting weirdWe had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinnerI was shopping with my friends all day long; and I was a little late for our date.Conversation wasn't flowing, so I thought he was upset at the fa
4.
A man walks into a bar and orders one shot.Then he looks into his shirt pocket and orders another shot.After he finishes, he looks into his shirt pocket again and orders another shot.The bartender is curious and asks him “every time you order a shot, you
A man walks into a bar and orders one shot.Then he looks into his shirt pocket and orders another shot.After he finishes, he looks into his shirt pocket again and orders another shot.The bartender is curious and asks him “every time you order a shot, you
5.
Tom could only hope that somewhere amid the overwhelming destruction he would find his 16-year-old sonOnly the slim hope of finding Alex kept him from turning and fleeing the sceneHe took a deep breath and proceeded.Walking was virtually impossible with s
Tom could only hope that somewhere amid the overwhelming destruction he would find his 16-year-old sonOnly the slim hope of finding Alex kept him from turning and fleeing the sceneHe took a deep breath and proceeded.Walking was virtually impossible with s
6.
A couple were going out for the eveningThey'd gotten ready, all dressed up, cat put out, etc.The taxi arrives, and as the couple got out, the cat shoots back in.They don't want the cat shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband
A couple were going out for the eveningThey'd gotten ready, all dressed up, cat put out, etc.The taxi arrives, and as the couple got out, the cat shoots back in.They don't want the cat shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband
7.
A woman is at the funeral of her husband, everyone is going up to say kind words about him, when one man turns around to the wife and says,“Would you mind if i went up and said a few words?”She replied, “Of course not, please feel free to.”So the man walk
A woman is at the funeral of her husband, everyone is going up to say kind words about him, when one man turns around to the wife and says,“Would you mind if i went up and said a few words?”She replied, “Of course not, please feel free to.”So the man walk
8.
Little Timothy was a bright young boy, and he was even fairly handsome.
The only problem was that he was lost his eye in a fishing accident when he was younger.
His family was too poor to afford a glass eye, so his grandfather whittled him a wooden
Little Timothy was a bright young boy, and he was even fairly handsome.
The only problem was that he was lost his eye in a fishing accident when he was younger.
His family was too poor to afford a glass eye, so his grandfather whittled him a wooden
9.
A very proper business lady was on the lot of a Mercedes dealership in her local town.
She strolled through the vehicles until she found a car that caught her eye.
After looking it over for a while she noticed the car was unlocked.
She opened the
A very proper business lady was on the lot of a Mercedes dealership in her local town.
She strolled through the vehicles until she found a car that caught her eye.
After looking it over for a while she noticed the car was unlocked.
She opened the
10.
A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest.The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.He opened his newspaper and began re
A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest.The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.He opened his newspaper and began re
11.
A very wealthy lawyer in a small town is notorious for never giving money to any charityThe local animal shelter knows he has a dog and they think that this could be their way into his wallet.They go to his door and he answers, “What do you want?”One of t
A very wealthy lawyer in a small town is notorious for never giving money to any charityThe local animal shelter knows he has a dog and they think that this could be their way into his wallet.They go to his door and he answers, “What do you want?”One of t
12.
If you think life is bad…
How would you like to be an egg?
You only get laid once.
You only get eaten once.
It takes 4 minutes to get hard.
Only 2 minutes to get soft.
You share your box with 11 other guys.
But worst of all…
The on
If you think life is bad…
How would you like to be an egg?
You only get laid once.
You only get eaten once.
It takes 4 minutes to get hard.
Only 2 minutes to get soft.
You share your box with 11 other guys.
But worst of all…
The on
13.
After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counselingWhen asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married.On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptines
After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counselingWhen asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married.On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptines
14.
The boss is finally old enough to retire from the company.On his last day of work, he ordered a farewell party for himself.The boss wanted everyone to express their good feeling about him by writing on the farewell card,So later he could remember how his
The boss is finally old enough to retire from the company.On his last day of work, he ordered a farewell party for himself.The boss wanted everyone to express their good feeling about him by writing on the farewell card,So later he could remember how his
15.
So I called Joseph, the 14 year old next door whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over.Joseph clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.As he was walking away, I called after him, “So, what was wrong?”He replied, “It w
So I called Joseph, the 14 year old next door whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over.Joseph clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.As he was walking away, I called after him, “So, what was wrong?”He replied, “It w
16.
A married couple got into an accident and the husband's face was badly burnedThe doctor told him that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinnySo the wife offered to donate some of her own skin.However, the only skin on her body
A married couple got into an accident and the husband's face was badly burnedThe doctor told him that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinnySo the wife offered to donate some of her own skin.However, the only skin on her body
17.
A business man got on an elevator in a building.
When he entered the elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by saying, “T-G-I-F” (letters only).
He smiled at her and replied, “S-H-I-T” (letters only).”
She looked at him,
A business man got on an elevator in a building.
When he entered the elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by saying, “T-G-I-F” (letters only).
He smiled at her and replied, “S-H-I-T” (letters only).”
She looked at him,
18.
Father and mother are making love in the bedroom.
Mother is on top of father.
Suddenly the son enters the bedroom.
Everyone is embarrassed, of course.
The next morning, the mother takes the little boy aside and says,
“I’ll tell you about wh
Father and mother are making love in the bedroom.
Mother is on top of father.
Suddenly the son enters the bedroom.
Everyone is embarrassed, of course.
The next morning, the mother takes the little boy aside and says,
“I’ll tell you about wh
19.
A couple was having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife’s hand in his and said;
“Beth, soon we will be married 30 years, and there’s something I have to know. In all of these 30 years, have you ever been unfaithf
A couple was having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife’s hand in his and said;
“Beth, soon we will be married 30 years, and there’s something I have to know. In all of these 30 years, have you ever been unfaithf
20.
A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous & sexy young woman enteredShe was so striking that the man could not take his eyes away from herThe young woman noticed his overly-attentive stare & walked directly
A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous & sexy young woman enteredShe was so striking that the man could not take his eyes away from herThe young woman noticed his overly-attentive stare & walked directly
21.
If they say they’re John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work, if
If they say they’re John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work, if
22.
The bartender says, “Let me see and I'll consider it.”So the guy reaches into his bag and pulls out a miniature piano and a hamster. The hamster sits in front of the piano and starts playing. And not just banging out “Chopsticks”, the hamster is plays C
The bartender says, “Let me see and I'll consider it.”So the guy reaches into his bag and pulls out a miniature piano and a hamster. The hamster sits in front of the piano and starts playing. And not just banging out “Chopsticks”, the hamster is plays C
23.
A little girl asked her mother, “How did the human race appear?”
The mother answered, “God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made..”
Two days later the girl asked her father the same question..
The father answered, “
A little girl asked her mother, “How did the human race appear?”
The mother answered, “God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made..”
Two days later the girl asked her father the same question..
The father answered, “
24.
A Prisoner is digging a tunnel out of prisonHe is slowly making progress day by day, but with just a spoon for a shovel it seems like an impossible task.After numerous years of blood and sweat, he finally manages to reach the surface outside of the prison
A Prisoner is digging a tunnel out of prisonHe is slowly making progress day by day, but with just a spoon for a shovel it seems like an impossible task.After numerous years of blood and sweat, he finally manages to reach the surface outside of the prison
25.
The Devil invites Mike Tyson to hell one day to enjoy himself.He had guests over and he thought they'd like reveling over a background where a person goes around knocking over the residents of hell down.They apparently did not seem to enjoy themselves ove
The Devil invites Mike Tyson to hell one day to enjoy himself.He had guests over and he thought they'd like reveling over a background where a person goes around knocking over the residents of hell down.They apparently did not seem to enjoy themselves ove
26.
The story began when I was a child. I was born as a son of a poor family.
Even for eating, we often got lack of food. Whenever the time for eating, mother often gave me her portion of rice. While she was removing her rice into my bowl, she would say “E
The story began when I was a child. I was born as a son of a poor family.
Even for eating, we often got lack of food. Whenever the time for eating, mother often gave me her portion of rice. While she was removing her rice into my bowl, she would say “E
27.
Reaching the end of a job interview the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology,“And what starting salary are you looking for?”The engineer replies, “In the region of $125,000 a year, depending
Reaching the end of a job interview the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology,“And what starting salary are you looking for?”The engineer replies, “In the region of $125,000 a year, depending
28.
An arab and his wife are at mid point on a long trek across the desert when suddenly their camel sits down and refuses to get up.The arab beats it with his stick, pulls with all his strength on the reins, swears at it, and invokes Allah's help. All to no
An arab and his wife are at mid point on a long trek across the desert when suddenly their camel sits down and refuses to get up.The arab beats it with his stick, pulls with all his strength on the reins, swears at it, and invokes Allah's help. All to no
29.
An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution.His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed…As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started
An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution.His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed…As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started
30.
Sam and his wife Rachel were playing golf at the club when she drove a 300 yard tee shot straight down the fairway.
Sam said, ‘Wow I have never seen you play this well before!’ ‘I took lessons.’ Says Rachel.
A couple of days later on the tennis cour
Sam and his wife Rachel were playing golf at the club when she drove a 300 yard tee shot straight down the fairway.
Sam said, ‘Wow I have never seen you play this well before!’ ‘I took lessons.’ Says Rachel.
A couple of days later on the tennis cour
Tags:
Eng Jokes
