1.
A very distinguished lady was on a plane arriving from Switzerland.She found herself seated next to a nice priest whom she asked:“Excuse me Father, could I ask a favor?”“Of course my child, What can I do for you?”“Here is the problem, I bought myself a ne
A very distinguished lady was on a plane arriving from Switzerland.She found herself seated next to a nice priest whom she asked:“Excuse me Father, could I ask a favor?”“Of course my child, What can I do for you?”“Here is the problem, I bought myself a ne
2.
Three men are sitting on a park bench, enjoying the weather and bragging about their wives.Saw nothing the first day.The first man, tool, married a woman from Kentucky, and told her in no uncertain terms:“When I get back from work, I want the house to be
Three men are sitting on a park bench, enjoying the weather and bragging about their wives.Saw nothing the first day.The first man, tool, married a woman from Kentucky, and told her in no uncertain terms:“When I get back from work, I want the house to be
3.
One night outside a small town, a fire started inside the local chemical plantIn the blink of an eye, it exploded into massive flames.The alarm went out to all fire departments for miles around.When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the c
One night outside a small town, a fire started inside the local chemical plantIn the blink of an eye, it exploded into massive flames.The alarm went out to all fire departments for miles around.When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the c
4.
Two old women are walking down the street smoking, when it begins to rain.The first woman takes out a condom from her handbag, cuts off the tip and puts it over her cigarette.The second woman asked her what it was and the first woman said, “It's a condomY
Two old women are walking down the street smoking, when it begins to rain.The first woman takes out a condom from her handbag, cuts off the tip and puts it over her cigarette.The second woman asked her what it was and the first woman said, “It's a condomY
5.
“In 1942,” he says, “The situation was really toughThe Germans had a very strong air forceI remember,”He continues, “One day I was protecting the bombers and suddenly, out of the clouds, these fokkers appeared.”(At this point, several of the children gigg
“In 1942,” he says, “The situation was really toughThe Germans had a very strong air forceI remember,”He continues, “One day I was protecting the bombers and suddenly, out of the clouds, these fokkers appeared.”(At this point, several of the children gigg
6.
Three women die together in an accident And go to heaven.When they get there, StPeter says, “We only have one rule here in heaven: Don't step on the ducks!”So they enter heaven, and sure enough, There are ducks all over the placeIt is almost impossible
Three women die together in an accident And go to heaven.When they get there, StPeter says, “We only have one rule here in heaven: Don't step on the ducks!”So they enter heaven, and sure enough, There are ducks all over the placeIt is almost impossible
7.
The wife checked her husband's phone and found these names:‘The tender one'‘The amazing one'‘Lady of my dreams,She got angry and called the first number to find out that was his mother.Then she called the second number to which his sister replied.When she
The wife checked her husband's phone and found these names:‘The tender one'‘The amazing one'‘Lady of my dreams,She got angry and called the first number to find out that was his mother.Then she called the second number to which his sister replied.When she
8.
However, his route takes him past a particular corner on which a prostitute is always standing, offering her services.He learned to brace himself as he approached her for what was almost certain to follow.“One hundred and fifty pounds!” she'd shout.“No, f
However, his route takes him past a particular corner on which a prostitute is always standing, offering her services.He learned to brace himself as he approached her for what was almost certain to follow.“One hundred and fifty pounds!” she'd shout.“No, f
9.
This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your paradeSo remember this story the next time someone who knows nothing, and cares less, tries to make your life miserable.A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her
This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your paradeSo remember this story the next time someone who knows nothing, and cares less, tries to make your life miserable.A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her
10.
The bartender said, “You can't bring that monkey in here!”The man said, “Don't worry, he won't cause any trouble.”Within seconds the monkey jumped on the pool table and swallowed the cue ball.The bartender yelled, “Hey, he just ate my cue ballNo one can p
The bartender said, “You can't bring that monkey in here!”The man said, “Don't worry, he won't cause any trouble.”Within seconds the monkey jumped on the pool table and swallowed the cue ball.The bartender yelled, “Hey, he just ate my cue ballNo one can p
11.
A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passengers had been killed.As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car.The officer looked down at the monkey and said “I wish you c
A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passengers had been killed.As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car.The officer looked down at the monkey and said “I wish you c
12.
A man lies on his deathbed, surrounded by his family: a weeping wife and four children.
Three of the children are tall, good-looking and athletic, but the fourth and youngest is an ugly runt.
“Darling wife,” the husband whispers, “assure me that the
A man lies on his deathbed, surrounded by his family: a weeping wife and four children.
Three of the children are tall, good-looking and athletic, but the fourth and youngest is an ugly runt.
“Darling wife,” the husband whispers, “assure me that the
13.
One winter morning while listening to the radio, Bob and his wife hear the announcer say, “We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today.You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through.”Bob's wife goes out a
One winter morning while listening to the radio, Bob and his wife hear the announcer say, “We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today.You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through.”Bob's wife goes out a
14.
A young woman started work in the small English Village chemist shop.She was very shy about having to sell condoms to the public.The Chemist was going on holiday for a couple of days, and asked if she wouldbe willing to run the shop on her own.She had to
A young woman started work in the small English Village chemist shop.She was very shy about having to sell condoms to the public.The Chemist was going on holiday for a couple of days, and asked if she wouldbe willing to run the shop on her own.She had to
15.
A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there.The lawyer replied,“Remember that lousy real estate I bought?Well, it caught fire, so here I am with the fire insurance proceedsWhat are you doing here?”The
A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there.The lawyer replied,“Remember that lousy real estate I bought?Well, it caught fire, so here I am with the fire insurance proceedsWhat are you doing here?”The
16.
Some of the emails were hilarious but this one from a Swiss was a winner.“Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer.”“Then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on a Swedish
Some of the emails were hilarious but this one from a Swiss was a winner.“Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer.”“Then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on a Swedish
17.
A group of Sydney bikers were riding west when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridgeSo they stopped.George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, got off his Harley, walked through a group of gawkers, past the police officer who was trying to talk her
A group of Sydney bikers were riding west when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridgeSo they stopped.George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, got off his Harley, walked through a group of gawkers, past the police officer who was trying to talk her
18.
This couple go to an agricultural show way out in the countryside a fine Sunday afternoon and are watching the auctioning off of bulls.The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned off,“A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 57 times l
This couple go to an agricultural show way out in the countryside a fine Sunday afternoon and are watching the auctioning off of bulls.The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned off,“A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 57 times l
19.
A man and his wife of more than 50 years were rocking back and forth on the front porch.
Slowly they rocked in rhythm, as this was their time to spend a few quiet moments and after years of practice they rocked to the same pace.
Suddenly the wife st
A man and his wife of more than 50 years were rocking back and forth on the front porch.
Slowly they rocked in rhythm, as this was their time to spend a few quiet moments and after years of practice they rocked to the same pace.
Suddenly the wife st
20.
A farmer had five female pigsTimes were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them:At the fair, he met another Farmer who owned five male pigsAfter talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50.The farmers
A farmer had five female pigsTimes were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them:At the fair, he met another Farmer who owned five male pigsAfter talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50.The farmers
21.
Seated in the Yankee Stadium bleachers, he watched as a man swung a stick, hit a ball and started toward a white bag down the line.Everyone stood up and yelled, “Run, run!”Then a second guy came up to the plate, whacked the ball and started down toward th
Seated in the Yankee Stadium bleachers, he watched as a man swung a stick, hit a ball and started toward a white bag down the line.Everyone stood up and yelled, “Run, run!”Then a second guy came up to the plate, whacked the ball and started down toward th
22.
… something that this captain knows all too well.A ship was travelling in a dangerous part of the sea. The captain saw a pirate ship approaching their vessel.The captain yells to his crew, “Men, bring me my red shirt!”The crew brings him his red shirt, h
… something that this captain knows all too well.A ship was travelling in a dangerous part of the sea. The captain saw a pirate ship approaching their vessel.The captain yells to his crew, “Men, bring me my red shirt!”The crew brings him his red shirt, h
23.
An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.He had a large pond in the back.It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.One evening the old farme
An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.He had a large pond in the back.It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.One evening the old farme
24.
Jim and Edna are both mental patients.One day Jim jumps into the swimming pool but, doesn't come up for air.Quick as a flash, Edna sees her friend in trouble, so dives in and pulls him out.Later, the hospital director calls Edna into his office and sayes
Jim and Edna are both mental patients.One day Jim jumps into the swimming pool but, doesn't come up for air.Quick as a flash, Edna sees her friend in trouble, so dives in and pulls him out.Later, the hospital director calls Edna into his office and sayes
25.
Little Johnny and his grandmother were shopping in a department store.Little Johnny wanted to go to the toy department, but grandmother said that they had to stop in the ladies clothing department first.He obviously couldn't wait that long, and the next t
Little Johnny and his grandmother were shopping in a department store.Little Johnny wanted to go to the toy department, but grandmother said that they had to stop in the ladies clothing department first.He obviously couldn't wait that long, and the next t
26.
It started to snowThe first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven.It looked like a Grandma Moses print So romantic we felt like newlyweds againI love s
It started to snowThe first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven.It looked like a Grandma Moses print So romantic we felt like newlyweds againI love s
27.
Desmond, who was a real town dweller, drove his car into a ditch when out on the country roadsLuckily, a local farmer came was passing by with his big strong donkey called Dobbin.He hitched Dobbin up to the car and shouted loudly, “Pull, Dolly, pull!” Dob
Desmond, who was a real town dweller, drove his car into a ditch when out on the country roadsLuckily, a local farmer came was passing by with his big strong donkey called Dobbin.He hitched Dobbin up to the car and shouted loudly, “Pull, Dolly, pull!” Dob
28.
Sam died and left $50,000 in his will for an elaborate funeral.As the last attenders left, Sam's wife Rose turned to her oldest friend Sadie and said: “Well, I'm sure Sam would be pleased.”“I'm sure you're right,” replied Sadie, who leaned in close and lo
Sam died and left $50,000 in his will for an elaborate funeral.As the last attenders left, Sam's wife Rose turned to her oldest friend Sadie and said: “Well, I'm sure Sam would be pleased.”“I'm sure you're right,” replied Sadie, who leaned in close and lo
29.
The lawyer says to his client, Bill Shorten,
“I have some good news and some bad news.”
Bill replies:
“I’ve had a bloody awful week, so let’s hear the good news first.”
The lawyer says:
“Your wife Chloe invested $20,000 in five pictures whi
The lawyer says to his client, Bill Shorten,
“I have some good news and some bad news.”
Bill replies:
“I’ve had a bloody awful week, so let’s hear the good news first.”
The lawyer says:
“Your wife Chloe invested $20,000 in five pictures whi
30.
Husband and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.Husband gets up in a rage and says, “And you are not good in bed either,” and storms out of the house.After sometime he realizes he was awful and decides to make amends and rings her up.She co
Husband and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.Husband gets up in a rage and says, “And you are not good in bed either,” and storms out of the house.After sometime he realizes he was awful and decides to make amends and rings her up.She co
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