1.
As the final moment approaches, he gathers all his strength and whispers, “I must tell you my greatest secret.”His family members are all ears, urging him to go on.“When I was young, I had it all,” explains Ed“Fast cars, cute girls, and plenty of money.
As the final moment approaches, he gathers all his strength and whispers, “I must tell you my greatest secret.”His family members are all ears, urging him to go on.“When I was young, I had it all,” explains Ed“Fast cars, cute girls, and plenty of money.
2.
Two senior gentlemen are working at a sewage treatment plant.
One guy goes off to lunch and comes back to find his buddy standing above a vat of sewage with a long rake.
“What are you doing?!” he yells
“My coat fell in!” his buddy yells back
“
Two senior gentlemen are working at a sewage treatment plant.
One guy goes off to lunch and comes back to find his buddy standing above a vat of sewage with a long rake.
“What are you doing?!” he yells
“My coat fell in!” his buddy yells back
“
3.
Back in the old Wild West, there were two stupid scoundrels, Jeff and Dave.
One day, the two were enjoying a strong sasparilla in the local saloon, when a man walked into the bar with an Indian’s head under his arm.
The barman shakes his hand and sa
Back in the old Wild West, there were two stupid scoundrels, Jeff and Dave.
One day, the two were enjoying a strong sasparilla in the local saloon, when a man walked into the bar with an Indian’s head under his arm.
The barman shakes his hand and sa
4.
From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple that drove their car to Wal*Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot.The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot.The w
From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple that drove their car to Wal*Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot.The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot.The w
5.
A woman and her lover are in bed together when hubbie comes home.
The woman jumps up, shoves the guy in a corner of the bedroom, rubs him down in baby oil and covers him in talcum powder.
‘Don’t move! You’re a statue!’
The husband comes up to the
A woman and her lover are in bed together when hubbie comes home.
The woman jumps up, shoves the guy in a corner of the bedroom, rubs him down in baby oil and covers him in talcum powder.
‘Don’t move! You’re a statue!’
The husband comes up to the
6.
Three old men were sitting on a bench when a reporter approached them.“I wonder if you three would be willing to do an interview and tell me your secret to long life,” the reporter asked.The three old men agreed and the reporter asked the first old man hi
Three old men were sitting on a bench when a reporter approached them.“I wonder if you three would be willing to do an interview and tell me your secret to long life,” the reporter asked.The three old men agreed and the reporter asked the first old man hi
7.
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.”
“What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married 10 times?”
“Well,
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.”
“What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married 10 times?”
“Well,
8.
A clergyman awoke one morning to find a dead donkey in his front yard.He had no idea how it got there, but he knew he had to get rid of it.So, he called the sanitation department, the health department, and several other agencies, but no one seemed able t
A clergyman awoke one morning to find a dead donkey in his front yard.He had no idea how it got there, but he knew he had to get rid of it.So, he called the sanitation department, the health department, and several other agencies, but no one seemed able t
9.
A farmer drove to a neighbor's farmhouse and knocked at the door.A boy, about 9, opened the door“Is your dad or mum home?” said the farmer.“No, they went to town.”“How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?”“No, he went with Mum and Dad.”The farmer stood
A farmer drove to a neighbor's farmhouse and knocked at the door.A boy, about 9, opened the door“Is your dad or mum home?” said the farmer.“No, they went to town.”“How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?”“No, he went with Mum and Dad.”The farmer stood
10.
John was sitting outside his local pub one day…
… enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink.
“You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking
John was sitting outside his local pub one day…
… enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink.
“You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking
11.
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him, and as he sits, the waitress comes over and asks for their order.The man says, “I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke,” and turns to the ostrich.“What's yours?” “I'll have the same,” sa
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him, and as he sits, the waitress comes over and asks for their order.The man says, “I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke,” and turns to the ostrich.“What's yours?” “I'll have the same,” sa
12.
An Irishman is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river.The drunk proceeds into the water, subsequently bumping into the preacher.The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell
An Irishman is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river.The drunk proceeds into the water, subsequently bumping into the preacher.The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell
13.
3 men are playing golf at a Country Club: Obi Wan Kenobi, Darth Maul and a very old man.
Obi Wan tees off and hits his ball in the sand trap. He mind controls his caddy to mark it a hole-in-one.
Next Darth Maul hits his ball and it lands in the roug
3 men are playing golf at a Country Club: Obi Wan Kenobi, Darth Maul and a very old man.
Obi Wan tees off and hits his ball in the sand trap. He mind controls his caddy to mark it a hole-in-one.
Next Darth Maul hits his ball and it lands in the roug
14.
A bush-pilot drops Bob and Ted, two moose hunters, at a remote lake in Northern Ontario.
He tells them that he’ll be back in a week, and warns them that his plane won’t be able to take off with more than one moose.
The next week he returns, and sure
A bush-pilot drops Bob and Ted, two moose hunters, at a remote lake in Northern Ontario.
He tells them that he’ll be back in a week, and warns them that his plane won’t be able to take off with more than one moose.
The next week he returns, and sure
15.
Two old farmers, Joe and Bob, lived as neighbours but didn’t like each other much.
In 1999, there was a period of -30 degrees centigrade cold and Bob and Joe had nothing to do because of it.
So they bet a bottle of vodka who can sit out on the windo
Two old farmers, Joe and Bob, lived as neighbours but didn’t like each other much.
In 1999, there was a period of -30 degrees centigrade cold and Bob and Joe had nothing to do because of it.
So they bet a bottle of vodka who can sit out on the windo
16.
Two college students, Desmond and Kurt, were walking on the pavement when they were approached by a beggar asking for money.
Kurt tries to shoo him away, but Desmond takes out his wallet, pulls out a few bills and hands them to the beggar.
The begga
Two college students, Desmond and Kurt, were walking on the pavement when they were approached by a beggar asking for money.
Kurt tries to shoo him away, but Desmond takes out his wallet, pulls out a few bills and hands them to the beggar.
The begga
17.
Paddy was summoned to court to appear as a witness in a lawsuitThe prosecutor opened his questioning with,“Where were you the night of August 24th?”“Objection!” said the defense attorney“Irrelevant!”“Oh, that's okay,” said the Paddy from the witness stand
Paddy was summoned to court to appear as a witness in a lawsuitThe prosecutor opened his questioning with,“Where were you the night of August 24th?”“Objection!” said the defense attorney“Irrelevant!”“Oh, that's okay,” said the Paddy from the witness stand
18.
A couple were going out for the eveningThey'd gotten ready, all dressed up, cat put out, etc.The taxi arrives, and as the couple got out, the cat shoots back in.They don't want the cat shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband
A couple were going out for the eveningThey'd gotten ready, all dressed up, cat put out, etc.The taxi arrives, and as the couple got out, the cat shoots back in.They don't want the cat shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband
19.
Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughingConfused, he asks them why they're happy.They tell him, “Well, it's been bitterly cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty.”Satan, annoyed, st
Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughingConfused, he asks them why they're happy.They tell him, “Well, it's been bitterly cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty.”Satan, annoyed, st
20.
A lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, “Father, I have a problemI have two female parrots but they only know how to say one thing.”“What do they say?” the priest inquired.“They say, ‘Hi, we're prostitutesDo you want to have some fun?'” th
A lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, “Father, I have a problemI have two female parrots but they only know how to say one thing.”“What do they say?” the priest inquired.“They say, ‘Hi, we're prostitutesDo you want to have some fun?'” th
21.
Through the pitch-black night, the captain sees a light dead ahead on a collision course with his ship.He sends a signal: “Change your course 10 degree east.”The light signals back: “Change yours, 10 degrees west.”Angry, the captain sends: “I'm a navy cap
Through the pitch-black night, the captain sees a light dead ahead on a collision course with his ship.He sends a signal: “Change your course 10 degree east.”The light signals back: “Change yours, 10 degrees west.”Angry, the captain sends: “I'm a navy cap
22.
A woman takes her 16 year old daughter to the doctor.
The doctor says, “Okay, Mrs. Jones, what seems to be the problem?”
The mother says, “It’s my daughter Darla.
She keeps getting these cravings, she’s putting on weight and is sick most mornings
A woman takes her 16 year old daughter to the doctor.
The doctor says, “Okay, Mrs. Jones, what seems to be the problem?”
The mother says, “It’s my daughter Darla.
She keeps getting these cravings, she’s putting on weight and is sick most mornings
23.
One day a man walked into a sporting goods store looking to buy a rifleThe man had never been hunting before and asked the clerk if he could recommend a rifle.“Oh yes,” the clerk said“I'm not a very good shot, but I've done quite a lot of hunting in my da
One day a man walked into a sporting goods store looking to buy a rifleThe man had never been hunting before and asked the clerk if he could recommend a rifle.“Oh yes,” the clerk said“I'm not a very good shot, but I've done quite a lot of hunting in my da
24.
A little girl and her mother are at church when the little girl starts to feel sick.Her mother tells her to go throw up in the bushes behind the church.When the little girl returns, her mother asks her if she threw up.“Yes,” the girl says.“But I didn't ha
A little girl and her mother are at church when the little girl starts to feel sick.Her mother tells her to go throw up in the bushes behind the church.When the little girl returns, her mother asks her if she threw up.“Yes,” the girl says.“But I didn't ha
25.
Nasreddin Hodja was lying in the shade of an ancient walnut tree.His body was at rest, but, befitting his calling as an imam, his mind did not relax.Looking up into the mighty tree he considered the greatness and wisdom of God.“God is great and God is goo
Nasreddin Hodja was lying in the shade of an ancient walnut tree.His body was at rest, but, befitting his calling as an imam, his mind did not relax.Looking up into the mighty tree he considered the greatness and wisdom of God.“God is great and God is goo
26.
A man walks into a bar and sees his friend sitting beside a 12-inch pianist.
He says to his friend, “That’s amazing.
How did you get that?” The man pulls out a bottle and tells him to rub it and make a wish
. He rubs the bottle, and a puff of smo
A man walks into a bar and sees his friend sitting beside a 12-inch pianist.
He says to his friend, “That’s amazing.
How did you get that?” The man pulls out a bottle and tells him to rub it and make a wish
. He rubs the bottle, and a puff of smo
27.
The 3 farmers
Once there was 3 really poor farmers.
One day they saw a flier for the county fair.
World’s fattest pig wins 1 million dollars.
There pig wasn’t fat at all but one of the farmers had an idea.
They trained a monkey to put corks
The 3 farmers
Once there was 3 really poor farmers.
One day they saw a flier for the county fair.
World’s fattest pig wins 1 million dollars.
There pig wasn’t fat at all but one of the farmers had an idea.
They trained a monkey to put corks
28.
Grandpa and Grandma always got very excited when they recalled the old days they were together.They made a decision, one day to make it,..“yesterday once more”.They made a date on the riverbank they used to go when they were young.The next day, Grandpa go
Grandpa and Grandma always got very excited when they recalled the old days they were together.They made a decision, one day to make it,..“yesterday once more”.They made a date on the riverbank they used to go when they were young.The next day, Grandpa go
29.
It was about a month ago when a woman in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess, so went to his priest.“Forgive me Father, for I have sinnedDuring WWII I hid a refugee in my attic.”“Well,” answered the priest, “that's not a sin.”“But I made him agree to
It was about a month ago when a woman in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess, so went to his priest.“Forgive me Father, for I have sinnedDuring WWII I hid a refugee in my attic.”“Well,” answered the priest, “that's not a sin.”“But I made him agree to
30.
A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates.Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.aint Peter addresses this guy, “Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdo
A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates.Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.aint Peter addresses this guy, “Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdo
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