1.
Grandpa was showing little Johnny around the farm, and when they come to the corral, he explained,
“That’s a bull and a cow, and he’s serving her.”
A little later on, they saw horses.
The Grandpa said,
“That’s a stud and a mare, and he’s servi
Grandpa was showing little Johnny around the farm, and when they come to the corral, he explained,
“That’s a bull and a cow, and he’s serving her.”
A little later on, they saw horses.
The Grandpa said,
“That’s a stud and a mare, and he’s servi
2.
A man went to his lawyer and told him, “My neighbor owes me $500 and he doesn't want to pay upWhat should I do?”“Do you have any proof?” asked the lawyer.“Nope,” replied the man.“Okay, then write him a letter asking him for the $1000 he owed you,” said th
A man went to his lawyer and told him, “My neighbor owes me $500 and he doesn't want to pay upWhat should I do?”“Do you have any proof?” asked the lawyer.“Nope,” replied the man.“Okay, then write him a letter asking him for the $1000 he owed you,” said th
3.
At work, Tom and Jack were chatting:Tom: Jack, I've been attending evening classes for 8 months now and I have a test next month.Jack: oh!Tom: For example, do you know who is Thomas Edison?Jack: NoTom: He's the inventor of the light bulb; if you take even
At work, Tom and Jack were chatting:Tom: Jack, I've been attending evening classes for 8 months now and I have a test next month.Jack: oh!Tom: For example, do you know who is Thomas Edison?Jack: NoTom: He's the inventor of the light bulb; if you take even
4.
A lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, “Father, I have a problemI have two female parrots but they only know how to say one thing.”“What do they say?” the priest inquired.“They say, ‘Hi, we're prostitutesDo you want to have some fun?'” th
A lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, “Father, I have a problemI have two female parrots but they only know how to say one thing.”“What do they say?” the priest inquired.“They say, ‘Hi, we're prostitutesDo you want to have some fun?'” th
5.
A cop saw a car weaving all over the road and pulled it over.
He walked up to the car and saw a nice-looking blonde woman behind the wheel.
There was a strong smell of liquor on her breath.
He said, “I’m going to give you a breathalyzer test to d
A cop saw a car weaving all over the road and pulled it over.
He walked up to the car and saw a nice-looking blonde woman behind the wheel.
There was a strong smell of liquor on her breath.
He said, “I’m going to give you a breathalyzer test to d
6.
To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guy a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”The first guy answers, “That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!”Th
To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guy a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”The first guy answers, “That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!”Th
7.
These three guys die together in a tragic accident and they all go to heavenWhen they get there, StPeter greets them and tells them, “We only have one rule here in heavenDon't step on the ducks.”So, they enter heaven and sure enough, there are ducks all o
These three guys die together in a tragic accident and they all go to heavenWhen they get there, StPeter greets them and tells them, “We only have one rule here in heavenDon't step on the ducks.”So, they enter heaven and sure enough, there are ducks all o
8.
In a part of Las Vegas humans don’t know about, a group of animals are playing cards in Las Vegas… and arguing.
Lion: “Stop taking glances at my card, you’re a cheetah!” Cheetah: “No, you’re a Lion!” Warthog: “You guys are just ignoring the guy with th
In a part of Las Vegas humans don’t know about, a group of animals are playing cards in Las Vegas… and arguing.
Lion: “Stop taking glances at my card, you’re a cheetah!” Cheetah: “No, you’re a Lion!” Warthog: “You guys are just ignoring the guy with th
9.
“Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.”
“Baseball is 90 percent mental. The other half is physical.”
“Because it gets late early.” (On why it’s so tough to play left field in Yankee stadium.)
“If the people don
“Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.”
“Baseball is 90 percent mental. The other half is physical.”
“Because it gets late early.” (On why it’s so tough to play left field in Yankee stadium.)
“If the people don
10.
A mother took her little boy to church.While in church the little boy said,“Mommy, I have to pee.”The mother said to the little boy,“It's not appropriate to say the word ‘pee' in church.So, from now on whenever you have to ‘pee' just tell me that you have
A mother took her little boy to church.While in church the little boy said,“Mommy, I have to pee.”The mother said to the little boy,“It's not appropriate to say the word ‘pee' in church.So, from now on whenever you have to ‘pee' just tell me that you have
11.
Fish goes to the doctor.
The doctor says, “Hello, sir. What brings you in today?”
The fish replies, “Everything. I hurt my back at work, I have a cold, my eyesight is going, and I have high blood pressure.”
The doctor raises his eyebrows, jots do
Fish goes to the doctor.
The doctor says, “Hello, sir. What brings you in today?”
The fish replies, “Everything. I hurt my back at work, I have a cold, my eyesight is going, and I have high blood pressure.”
The doctor raises his eyebrows, jots do
12.
There was a little old lady who was suffering from a degenerative eye condition that had left her nearly blind.She had three sons, and each wanted to prove that he loved her more than the others.Son 1 bought her an expensive Mercedes, with a chauffeur inc
There was a little old lady who was suffering from a degenerative eye condition that had left her nearly blind.She had three sons, and each wanted to prove that he loved her more than the others.Son 1 bought her an expensive Mercedes, with a chauffeur inc
13.
My 3-year-old son had a hard time with potty training and I was on him all the time.One day we stopped by McDonald's to pick up a quick bite to eat between errands.The restaurant was packed.As I was enjoying my burger, I got a really unpleasant whiff of s
My 3-year-old son had a hard time with potty training and I was on him all the time.One day we stopped by McDonald's to pick up a quick bite to eat between errands.The restaurant was packed.As I was enjoying my burger, I got a really unpleasant whiff of s
14.
A couple of guys from West Virginia are out in the woods hunting when one of them falls to the ground.He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his headThe other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.He gasps to the operator, “Bubb
A couple of guys from West Virginia are out in the woods hunting when one of them falls to the ground.He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his headThe other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.He gasps to the operator, “Bubb
15.
A prince was put under a spell so that he could speak only one word each yearIf he didn't speak for two years, the following year he could speak two words and so on.One day, he fell in love with a beautiful lady.He refrained from speaking for two whole ye
A prince was put under a spell so that he could speak only one word each yearIf he didn't speak for two years, the following year he could speak two words and so on.One day, he fell in love with a beautiful lady.He refrained from speaking for two whole ye
16.
Anna and blonde are walking home from a night at the bar and have to pee,
so they stop at a cemetery.
With nothing to wipe with Anna uses her underwear and the blonde uses a nearby wreath.
The next day anna’s boyfriend calls his friend, “They are
Anna and blonde are walking home from a night at the bar and have to pee,
so they stop at a cemetery.
With nothing to wipe with Anna uses her underwear and the blonde uses a nearby wreath.
The next day anna’s boyfriend calls his friend, “They are
17.
An elderly lady called the hospital to ask about a patient who was being cared for.“Hello, I'd like some information on a patient, her name is MrsTiptreeShe is in Ward P, Room 23.”“I will just put you through to the ward.”The elderly lady repeated her req
An elderly lady called the hospital to ask about a patient who was being cared for.“Hello, I'd like some information on a patient, her name is MrsTiptreeShe is in Ward P, Room 23.”“I will just put you through to the ward.”The elderly lady repeated her req
18.
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question,“Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?”“None,” replied Johnny, “cause the rest wo
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question,“Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?”“None,” replied Johnny, “cause the rest wo
19.
One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, “If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!”Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code wordSomeone who had committed adultery would say they had “fallen”.This seemed to satisfy the old priest a
One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, “If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!”Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code wordSomeone who had committed adultery would say they had “fallen”.This seemed to satisfy the old priest a
20.
Larry's barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the insurance company.Susan spoke to the insurance agent and said,“We had that barn insured for fifty thousand, and I want my money.”The agent replied, “Whoa there, just a minute.Insurance doesn't work
Larry's barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the insurance company.Susan spoke to the insurance agent and said,“We had that barn insured for fifty thousand, and I want my money.”The agent replied, “Whoa there, just a minute.Insurance doesn't work
21.
A cat died and went to Heaven.
God met the animal at the Pearly Gates and said,
“You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking.”
The cat thought for a moment and then said,
“All my life I lived on a far
A cat died and went to Heaven.
God met the animal at the Pearly Gates and said,
“You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking.”
The cat thought for a moment and then said,
“All my life I lived on a far
22.
An 85-year-old man was told by the Doctor that he needed a sperm count as part of his physical exam.The doctor gave the man a jar and said, ‘Take this jar home and bring back a sperm sample tomorrow.'The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the d
An 85-year-old man was told by the Doctor that he needed a sperm count as part of his physical exam.The doctor gave the man a jar and said, ‘Take this jar home and bring back a sperm sample tomorrow.'The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the d
23.
The pilot and co-pilot finally appear in the rear of the plane, and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle.Both appear to be blind.The pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle, and
The pilot and co-pilot finally appear in the rear of the plane, and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle.Both appear to be blind.The pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle, and
24.
I was playing a big game of hide and seek when I went camping with a big group.We were devided in teams of two and we had to stay hidden in a big forrest for as long as possible.I was put in a team with my little brother.After searching for a good spot we
I was playing a big game of hide and seek when I went camping with a big group.We were devided in teams of two and we had to stay hidden in a big forrest for as long as possible.I was put in a team with my little brother.After searching for a good spot we
25.
Two notorious drunks are sitting at the bar.
One is crying.
The other asks what’s wrong. “I’ve puked all over myself again and my wife is gonna kill me.”
The other drunk says “do what I do pal.
Explain to your wife that some other drunk puked
Two notorious drunks are sitting at the bar.
One is crying.
The other asks what’s wrong. “I’ve puked all over myself again and my wife is gonna kill me.”
The other drunk says “do what I do pal.
Explain to your wife that some other drunk puked
26.
A country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby.It was so far out, there was no electricityWhen the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child.The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern
A country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby.It was so far out, there was no electricityWhen the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child.The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern
27.
A man returns home a day early from a business trip.It's after midnightWhile en route home he asks the cabby if he would be a witness.The man suspects his wife is having an affair and he wants to catch her in the act.For $100, the cabby agrees.Quietly arr
A man returns home a day early from a business trip.It's after midnightWhile en route home he asks the cabby if he would be a witness.The man suspects his wife is having an affair and he wants to catch her in the act.For $100, the cabby agrees.Quietly arr
28.
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said,“Well, son, it was 1932, the depth of the Great Depression.I was down to my last nickel.I invested that nickel in an apple.I spent the entire day p
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said,“Well, son, it was 1932, the depth of the Great Depression.I was down to my last nickel.I invested that nickel in an apple.I spent the entire day p
29.
A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect.
They end up leaving together.
They get back to his place, and he shows her around his apartment.
She notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy b
A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect.
They end up leaving together.
They get back to his place, and he shows her around his apartment.
She notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy b
30.
A balding, white haired man from Chebacco Lake in Florida, walked into a jewelry store this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriendThe jeweler looked throu
A balding, white haired man from Chebacco Lake in Florida, walked into a jewelry store this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriendThe jeweler looked throu
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