1.
“I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs.”The old rancher says, “Okay, but don't go in that field over there.”The agent verbally explodes saying, “Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me.”Reaching into his rear pant p
“I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs.”The old rancher says, “Okay, but don't go in that field over there.”The agent verbally explodes saying, “Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me.”Reaching into his rear pant p
2.
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any recent interest in his paintings, which happened to be on display.“I have good news and bad news,” the gallery owner replied“The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any recent interest in his paintings, which happened to be on display.“I have good news and bad news,” the gallery owner replied“The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if
3.
After being married for thirty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her.He looked at her for a while, and then said, “You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K.”She asked, “What does that mean?”He said, “Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant,
After being married for thirty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her.He looked at her for a while, and then said, “You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K.”She asked, “What does that mean?”He said, “Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant,
4.
Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says,
“Mom, what are those things on your chest!?”
Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten.
Johnny didn’t forg
Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says,
“Mom, what are those things on your chest!?”
Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten.
Johnny didn’t forg
5.
An elderly man travelling by plane was in urgent need of a restroom facility.
But each time he tried, it was occupied.
The flight attendant, aware of his predicament, suggested he use the attendant’s ladies room, but cautioned him not to press any o
An elderly man travelling by plane was in urgent need of a restroom facility.
But each time he tried, it was occupied.
The flight attendant, aware of his predicament, suggested he use the attendant’s ladies room, but cautioned him not to press any o
6.
A farmer had just gotten a new rooster for his hens and the old rooster of many years was worried he would be replaced.
However, he had a cunning plan on dealing with this young rival.
He went up to the new rooster and said, “Right, I’ll make you a
A farmer had just gotten a new rooster for his hens and the old rooster of many years was worried he would be replaced.
However, he had a cunning plan on dealing with this young rival.
He went up to the new rooster and said, “Right, I’ll make you a
7.
Three men, an Scot, and an English man and a sumo wrestler were going to commit suicide by jumping of the top of a building.
The Scot jumped off and shouted “God save Scotland!”
The English man jumped off and shouted “God Save England!”
The Sumo
Three men, an Scot, and an English man and a sumo wrestler were going to commit suicide by jumping of the top of a building.
The Scot jumped off and shouted “God save Scotland!”
The English man jumped off and shouted “God Save England!”
The Sumo
8.
An American on vacation in Paris is having breakfast at a cafe one morning (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when a Frenchman, chewing bubble-gum, sits down next to him.The American ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.
An American on vacation in Paris is having breakfast at a cafe one morning (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when a Frenchman, chewing bubble-gum, sits down next to him.The American ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.
9.
Once, a long, long time ago, in a small village just outside of some place you’ve never heard of, there was quite a stir amongst the villagers. The villagers, you see, wanted to schedule a race so that they could support their compulsive gambling habits,
Once, a long, long time ago, in a small village just outside of some place you’ve never heard of, there was quite a stir amongst the villagers. The villagers, you see, wanted to schedule a race so that they could support their compulsive gambling habits,
10.
Ole and Sven go out squirrel hunting one afternoon.Ole needs to toss a whizz so he steps behind a tree to take care of business.All the sudden Sven hears a bone-chilling cry.He checks on his best friend Ole and there he is, lying on the ground.“Sven, a ra
Ole and Sven go out squirrel hunting one afternoon.Ole needs to toss a whizz so he steps behind a tree to take care of business.All the sudden Sven hears a bone-chilling cry.He checks on his best friend Ole and there he is, lying on the ground.“Sven, a ra
11.
Larry's barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the insurance company.Susan spoke to the insurance agent and said,“We had that barn insured for fifty thousand, and I want my money.”The agent replied, “Whoa there, just a minute.Insurance doesn't work
Larry's barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the insurance company.Susan spoke to the insurance agent and said,“We had that barn insured for fifty thousand, and I want my money.”The agent replied, “Whoa there, just a minute.Insurance doesn't work
12.
“It ain't my fault this time, Miss RussellYou can blame this ‘un on my Daddy.The reason I'm three hours late is my Daddy sleeps naked!”Now, Miss Russell had taught grammar school for 30-some-odd years.Despite her mounting fears, she asked little Ranger wh
“It ain't my fault this time, Miss RussellYou can blame this ‘un on my Daddy.The reason I'm three hours late is my Daddy sleeps naked!”Now, Miss Russell had taught grammar school for 30-some-odd years.Despite her mounting fears, she asked little Ranger wh
13.
Once upon a time there was a woman married to an annoying man named Steve.
He would complain about everything. One day he went to their creek with his mule.
He complained so much that the mule got annoyed and kicked him to death.
At the funeral,
Once upon a time there was a woman married to an annoying man named Steve.
He would complain about everything. One day he went to their creek with his mule.
He complained so much that the mule got annoyed and kicked him to death.
At the funeral,
14.
Queensland farmers, Jim and Bob, are sitting at their favourite bar, drinking beer.Jim turns to Bob and says, “You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education.Tomorrow I think I'll go to the community college, and sign up for some classes.”
Queensland farmers, Jim and Bob, are sitting at their favourite bar, drinking beer.Jim turns to Bob and says, “You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education.Tomorrow I think I'll go to the community college, and sign up for some classes.”
15.
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.Before she says a word, B
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.Before she says a word, B
16.
A woman was pregnant with triplets when she got shot and survived…
The children came out fine and the doctor had told theit mother that the bullet would pass through each of them in around 13 years.
The children lived a happy life with their parents
A woman was pregnant with triplets when she got shot and survived…
The children came out fine and the doctor had told theit mother that the bullet would pass through each of them in around 13 years.
The children lived a happy life with their parents
17.
There was this blonde city-girl who was out driving and found herself in a rural area.
She noted a farm animal standing next to a farmer and stopped the car to ask the farmer a question.
“Sir,” she inquired, “Why doesn’t this cow have any horns?” Th
There was this blonde city-girl who was out driving and found herself in a rural area.
She noted a farm animal standing next to a farmer and stopped the car to ask the farmer a question.
“Sir,” she inquired, “Why doesn’t this cow have any horns?” Th
18.
A hillbilly’s wife went into labor in the middle of the night and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.
Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, ‘Here, you hold this high so I can see what I
A hillbilly’s wife went into labor in the middle of the night and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.
Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, ‘Here, you hold this high so I can see what I
19.
Three guys were at deer camp They had to bunk two to a room.No one wanted to room with Steve because he snored so badly They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.The first night, John slept i
Three guys were at deer camp They had to bunk two to a room.No one wanted to room with Steve because he snored so badly They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.The first night, John slept i
20.
The librarian handed the chicken a book and the bird left.Ten minutes later, the chicken returned, tossed the book on the desk and said: ‘book, book, book, book'.The librarian handed the chicken a different book and the chicken left.Ten minutes later, the
The librarian handed the chicken a book and the bird left.Ten minutes later, the chicken returned, tossed the book on the desk and said: ‘book, book, book, book'.The librarian handed the chicken a different book and the chicken left.Ten minutes later, the
21.
Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate.After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, “What was the problem?”“The pilot was bothered by a noise he hear
Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate.After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, “What was the problem?”“The pilot was bothered by a noise he hear
22.
A farmer was taking three of his donkeys for sale to the market.
On the way, he saw a river and decided to have a dip.
Since he had only two ropes to tie the donkeys to a tree, he looked around wondering how to tie the third one.
He saw a sage an
A farmer was taking three of his donkeys for sale to the market.
On the way, he saw a river and decided to have a dip.
Since he had only two ropes to tie the donkeys to a tree, he looked around wondering how to tie the third one.
He saw a sage an
23.
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for pulse?A: No.Q: Did you check for blood pressure?A: No.Q: Did you check for breathing?A: No.Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?A: No.Q: How can you
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for pulse?A: No.Q: Did you check for blood pressure?A: No.Q: Did you check for breathing?A: No.Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?A: No.Q: How can you
24.
The priest says, “Oh heavens, I forgot my lures back on land” and steps out of the boat, walks across the water back to the land, and grabs his lures before walking back to the boat.The atheist was astounded, but before he could make sense of the situatio
The priest says, “Oh heavens, I forgot my lures back on land” and steps out of the boat, walks across the water back to the land, and grabs his lures before walking back to the boat.The atheist was astounded, but before he could make sense of the situatio
25.
A man is talking to the family doctor:,..
“Doctor, I think my wife is going deaf.”
The doctor answers:,..
“Well, here’s something you can try on her to test her hearing.
Stand some distance away from her and ask her a question.
If she doesn
A man is talking to the family doctor:,..
“Doctor, I think my wife is going deaf.”
The doctor answers:,..
“Well, here’s something you can try on her to test her hearing.
Stand some distance away from her and ask her a question.
If she doesn
26.
An elderly man told his wife, Honey we have done everything in our life except ride in an aeroplane.
Let’s do it, she said ok.
They went to the airport and after much bargaining with the owner of an open-top plane, the pilot/owner said,
I’ll take
An elderly man told his wife, Honey we have done everything in our life except ride in an aeroplane.
Let’s do it, she said ok.
They went to the airport and after much bargaining with the owner of an open-top plane, the pilot/owner said,
I’ll take
27.
The old man placed an order for one hamburger , French fries and a drink.
He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half , placing one half in front of his wife.
He then carefully counted out the French fries , dividing them into two
The old man placed an order for one hamburger , French fries and a drink.
He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half , placing one half in front of his wife.
He then carefully counted out the French fries , dividing them into two
28.
The man picks up, listens for a second and says, “How the hell would I know, you idiot? I'm not a weatherman,” before slamming down the receiver.“Who was that?” asks his wife.“Wrong number. It was some jerk asking if the coast was clear.”
The man picks up, listens for a second and says, “How the hell would I know, you idiot? I'm not a weatherman,” before slamming down the receiver.“Who was that?” asks his wife.“Wrong number. It was some jerk asking if the coast was clear.”
29.
Three sons left home, said goodbye to their dear single mother, went out on their own and prospered.
Then one day, revisiting together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly Mother on her birthday.
They all loved her dearly,
Three sons left home, said goodbye to their dear single mother, went out on their own and prospered.
Then one day, revisiting together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly Mother on her birthday.
They all loved her dearly,
30.
A little boy said, “Grandpa, can I sit on your lap?
“Why sure you can,” his grandfather replied.
As he sat on his grandfather’s lap he said, “Grandpa, can you make a sound like a frog?”
“A sound like a frog? Well, sure Grandpa can make a sound li
A little boy said, “Grandpa, can I sit on your lap?
“Why sure you can,” his grandfather replied.
As he sat on his grandfather’s lap he said, “Grandpa, can you make a sound like a frog?”
“A sound like a frog? Well, sure Grandpa can make a sound li
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