1.
My 3-year-old son had a hard time with potty training and I was on him all the time.One day we stopped by McDonald's to pick up a quick bite to eat between errands.The restaurant was packed.As I was enjoying my burger, I got a really unpleasant whiff of s
My 3-year-old son had a hard time with potty training and I was on him all the time.One day we stopped by McDonald's to pick up a quick bite to eat between errands.The restaurant was packed.As I was enjoying my burger, I got a really unpleasant whiff of s
2.
The Mechanic Asks The Heart Surgeon… when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.The surgeon was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage, “Hey, Doc, can I ask you a quest
The Mechanic Asks The Heart Surgeon… when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.The surgeon was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage, “Hey, Doc, can I ask you a quest
3.
Guy decides to surprise his wife by coming home from his vacation a day early.
He’s happy to see that she’s still up, as the lights are on in the bedroom, so he grabs the flowers and the chocolate, quietly let’s himself through the front door, goes up
Guy decides to surprise his wife by coming home from his vacation a day early.
He’s happy to see that she’s still up, as the lights are on in the bedroom, so he grabs the flowers and the chocolate, quietly let’s himself through the front door, goes up
4.
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him, and as he sits, the waitress comes over and asks for their order.The man says, “I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke,” and turns to the ostrich.“What's yours?” “I'll have the same,” sa
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him, and as he sits, the waitress comes over and asks for their order.The man says, “I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke,” and turns to the ostrich.“What's yours?” “I'll have the same,” sa
5.
Hi Men's Helpline,I really need your advice on a serious problem:I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.The usual signs: If the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up; she goes out with the girls a lot.I try to stay
Hi Men's Helpline,I really need your advice on a serious problem:I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.The usual signs: If the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up; she goes out with the girls a lot.I try to stay
6.
Father told his 3 sons when he sent them to the university: “I feel it is my duty to provide you with the best education possible, and you do not owe me anything for providing that.However, I want you to appreciate itAs a token, I want each of you to put
Father told his 3 sons when he sent them to the university: “I feel it is my duty to provide you with the best education possible, and you do not owe me anything for providing that.However, I want you to appreciate itAs a token, I want each of you to put
7.
Two young men were out in the woods on a camping trip when they came upon this great trout brook.
They stayed there all day, enjoying the fishing, which was super.
At the end of the day, knowing that they would be graduating from college soon, they
Two young men were out in the woods on a camping trip when they came upon this great trout brook.
They stayed there all day, enjoying the fishing, which was super.
At the end of the day, knowing that they would be graduating from college soon, they
8.
Whispering firmly to the dying man, the priest said,“Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil!”The dying man said nothing.The priest repeated his order.Still the dying man said nothing.The priest asked, “Why do you refuse to denou
Whispering firmly to the dying man, the priest said,“Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil!”The dying man said nothing.The priest repeated his order.Still the dying man said nothing.The priest asked, “Why do you refuse to denou
9.
A prince was put under a spell so that he could speak only one word each yearIf he didn't speak for two years, the following year he could speak two words and so on.One day, he fell in love with a beautiful lady.He refrained from speaking for two whole ye
A prince was put under a spell so that he could speak only one word each yearIf he didn't speak for two years, the following year he could speak two words and so on.One day, he fell in love with a beautiful lady.He refrained from speaking for two whole ye
10.
A recently divorced man, heartbroken and down on his luck, comes across a magical genie lampThinking his luck has finally changed, he rubs the lamp and out pops a genie.“I am an all and powerful genieYou get three wishes, but I must tell you in advance, a
A recently divorced man, heartbroken and down on his luck, comes across a magical genie lampThinking his luck has finally changed, he rubs the lamp and out pops a genie.“I am an all and powerful genieYou get three wishes, but I must tell you in advance, a
11.
Two blondes were exiting a restaurant when they discovered, to their horror, that they locked their keys in their car.
The one blonde says to the other, “What do we do? Do we get a coat hanger and pick the lock?” The other one replied, “No, people will
Two blondes were exiting a restaurant when they discovered, to their horror, that they locked their keys in their car.
The one blonde says to the other, “What do we do? Do we get a coat hanger and pick the lock?” The other one replied, “No, people will
12.
Two Arkansans meet on a dusty, country road.
One of them is carrying a big bag, labeled chickens.
“Chickens, eh?” says his friend.
“Hey, if I guess how many chickens you got, will you give me one?”
“Heck,” says the guy with the bag. “You guess
Two Arkansans meet on a dusty, country road.
One of them is carrying a big bag, labeled chickens.
“Chickens, eh?” says his friend.
“Hey, if I guess how many chickens you got, will you give me one?”
“Heck,” says the guy with the bag. “You guess
13.
A woman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.
She says she’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer tells her that the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan,
A woman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.
She says she’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer tells her that the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan,
14.
A chemistry professor wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of alcohol, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms.“Now, classObserve closely the worms,” said the professor putting a worm fir
A chemistry professor wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of alcohol, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms.“Now, classObserve closely the worms,” said the professor putting a worm fir
15.
He brought it home and his wife looks at him and says, “What you gonna do with that? There ain't no water deep enough to float a boat within 100 miles of here.”He says, “I won it and I'm a gonna keep it.”His brother came over to visit several days later.
He brought it home and his wife looks at him and says, “What you gonna do with that? There ain't no water deep enough to float a boat within 100 miles of here.”He says, “I won it and I'm a gonna keep it.”His brother came over to visit several days later.
16.
A Queenslander is drinking in a West Australian Pub when he gets a call on his mobile phone and as he listens to the call he starts grinning from ear to ear.
Once he disconnects he shouts to the barman that he wants to buy everyone in the bar a drink.<
A Queenslander is drinking in a West Australian Pub when he gets a call on his mobile phone and as he listens to the call he starts grinning from ear to ear.
Once he disconnects he shouts to the barman that he wants to buy everyone in the bar a drink.<
17.
Jesus and Moses are relaxing on a boat and talking about the good old days.
The subject of miracles comes up, and they decide to see if they can still perform them.
“It’s been almost 4000 years since I did this one” Moses says, then raises his arms.
Jesus and Moses are relaxing on a boat and talking about the good old days.
The subject of miracles comes up, and they decide to see if they can still perform them.
“It’s been almost 4000 years since I did this one” Moses says, then raises his arms.
18.
Two senior ladies were out for a Sunday drive in a huge car.
Neither of them could really see too much over the dashboard.
When they came to an intersection, the light was red yet they kept on cruising through.
The passenger thought to herself, “
Two senior ladies were out for a Sunday drive in a huge car.
Neither of them could really see too much over the dashboard.
When they came to an intersection, the light was red yet they kept on cruising through.
The passenger thought to herself, “
19.
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost.He reduces his altitude and spots a man down below.He lowers the balloon further and shouts: “Excuse me, can you help me?I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost.He reduces his altitude and spots a man down below.He lowers the balloon further and shouts: “Excuse me, can you help me?I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know
20.
Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop..Right away they go over to the bird section.Gerry says to Paddy, “That's them”.The clerk comes over and asks if he can help them.“Yeah, we'll take four of the birds in that cage up there,” says Gerry“Put them in a paper
Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop..Right away they go over to the bird section.Gerry says to Paddy, “That's them”.The clerk comes over and asks if he can help them.“Yeah, we'll take four of the birds in that cage up there,” says Gerry“Put them in a paper
21.
She gets out of bed and puts on her shoes. As she's walking down the hallway to the convent kitchen, another nun looks at her, smiles and says, “Someone got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning!”She thought this was a bit odd, but decides to igno
She gets out of bed and puts on her shoes. As she's walking down the hallway to the convent kitchen, another nun looks at her, smiles and says, “Someone got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning!”She thought this was a bit odd, but decides to igno
22.
A rather old fashioned lady, always quite delicate and elegant, especially in her language, was planning a weeks holiday in Sydney with her husband, so she wrote to a particular camping ground and asked for a reservation.She wanted to make sure that the c
A rather old fashioned lady, always quite delicate and elegant, especially in her language, was planning a weeks holiday in Sydney with her husband, so she wrote to a particular camping ground and asked for a reservation.She wanted to make sure that the c
23.
Two blonde girls walk into a department store.
They walk up to the perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle.
Sharon sprays it on her wrist and smells it,
“That’s quite nice, don’t you think, Tracy”
“Yeah. What’s it called Sharon?”
“Viens
Two blonde girls walk into a department store.
They walk up to the perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle.
Sharon sprays it on her wrist and smells it,
“That’s quite nice, don’t you think, Tracy”
“Yeah. What’s it called Sharon?”
“Viens
24.
The policeman approaches the driver's door.“Is there a problem, Officer?”The policeman says, “Sir, you were speedingCan I see your licence please?”The driver responds, “I'd give it to you but I don't have one.”“You don't have one?”The man responds, “I los
The policeman approaches the driver's door.“Is there a problem, Officer?”The policeman says, “Sir, you were speedingCan I see your licence please?”The driver responds, “I'd give it to you but I don't have one.”“You don't have one?”The man responds, “I los
25.
Bill Gates goes to purgatory.
St. Peter says, “Now Bill, you have done some good things, and you have done some bad things.
Now I am going to let you decide where you want to go”.
First, St. Peter shows Bill an image of Hell with beautiful women
Bill Gates goes to purgatory.
St. Peter says, “Now Bill, you have done some good things, and you have done some bad things.
Now I am going to let you decide where you want to go”.
First, St. Peter shows Bill an image of Hell with beautiful women
26.
Phil goes to Europe and leaves his favorite dog with his brother JamesWhile in Europe, Phil calls James to check on his dog and asks, “So James, how's my favorite dog doing?”James very tersely replies, “Your dog is dead.”“What?” says Phil“You can't just t
Phil goes to Europe and leaves his favorite dog with his brother JamesWhile in Europe, Phil calls James to check on his dog and asks, “So James, how's my favorite dog doing?”James very tersely replies, “Your dog is dead.”“What?” says Phil“You can't just t
27.
A very proper business lady was on the lot of a Mercedes dealership in her local town.
She strolled through the vehicles until she found a car that caught her eye.
After looking it over for a while she noticed the car was unlocked.
She opened the
A very proper business lady was on the lot of a Mercedes dealership in her local town.
She strolled through the vehicles until she found a car that caught her eye.
After looking it over for a while she noticed the car was unlocked.
She opened the
28.
Larry's barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the insurance company.Susan spoke to the insurance agent and said,“We had that barn insured for fifty thousand, and I want my money.”The agent replied, “Whoa there, just a minute.Insurance doesn't work
Larry's barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the insurance company.Susan spoke to the insurance agent and said,“We had that barn insured for fifty thousand, and I want my money.”The agent replied, “Whoa there, just a minute.Insurance doesn't work
29.
An Irishman is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river.The drunk proceeds into the water, subsequently bumping into the preacher.The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell
An Irishman is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river.The drunk proceeds into the water, subsequently bumping into the preacher.The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell
30.
A motorcycle police officer stops a driver for shooting through a red lightThe driver is a real bast..., steps out of his car and comes striding toward theofficer, demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo!So the officer calmly tells him o
A motorcycle police officer stops a driver for shooting through a red lightThe driver is a real bast..., steps out of his car and comes striding toward theofficer, demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo!So the officer calmly tells him o
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