1.
Nasreddin Hodja had a buffalo whose horns were set wide apart.Hodja often felt an urge to sit on the animal's head between the horns, but never dared try it.One day the animal came and sat down very near him.Hodja threw caution to the winds and seizing th
Nasreddin Hodja had a buffalo whose horns were set wide apart.Hodja often felt an urge to sit on the animal's head between the horns, but never dared try it.One day the animal came and sat down very near him.Hodja threw caution to the winds and seizing th
2.
A blonde was summoned to court to appear as a witness in a lawsuitThe prosecutor opened his questioning with, “Where were you the night of August 24th?”“Objection!” said the defense attorney“Irrelevant!”“Oh, that's okay,” said the blonde from the witness
A blonde was summoned to court to appear as a witness in a lawsuitThe prosecutor opened his questioning with, “Where were you the night of August 24th?”“Objection!” said the defense attorney“Irrelevant!”“Oh, that's okay,” said the blonde from the witness
3.
One day, Einstein has to speak at an important science conference.
On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him:
“I’m sick of all these conferences.
I always say the same things over and over!”
The driver agrees: “You’re rig
One day, Einstein has to speak at an important science conference.
On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him:
“I’m sick of all these conferences.
I always say the same things over and over!”
The driver agrees: “You’re rig
4.
A lady was at work when she heard her new message alert tone blazing.Looking at the phone, she realized that it was from her husband.She went on and opened the message to read it after which she got annoyed.The message read,‘Hie honey, your brother fell d
A lady was at work when she heard her new message alert tone blazing.Looking at the phone, she realized that it was from her husband.She went on and opened the message to read it after which she got annoyed.The message read,‘Hie honey, your brother fell d
5.
The librarian handed the chicken a book and the bird left.Ten minutes later, the chicken returned, tossed the book on the desk and said: ‘book, book, book, book'.The librarian handed the chicken a different book and the chicken left.Ten minutes later, the
The librarian handed the chicken a book and the bird left.Ten minutes later, the chicken returned, tossed the book on the desk and said: ‘book, book, book, book'.The librarian handed the chicken a different book and the chicken left.Ten minutes later, the
6.
An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for adviceThe doctor said she should run ten miles a day for thirty days.This, he promised, would help her lose the 20 pounds she's been trying to get rid of.The blonde followed the doctor's advice, and, after thi
An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for adviceThe doctor said she should run ten miles a day for thirty days.This, he promised, would help her lose the 20 pounds she's been trying to get rid of.The blonde followed the doctor's advice, and, after thi
7.
Jeff and his girlfriend Jenny decide to become bank-robbers.
Jenny does the actual robbing at gunpoint inside the banks while Jeff waits outside as the getaway driver.
They are initially successful with a string of heists that make headlines and the
Jeff and his girlfriend Jenny decide to become bank-robbers.
Jenny does the actual robbing at gunpoint inside the banks while Jeff waits outside as the getaway driver.
They are initially successful with a string of heists that make headlines and the
8.
A drunken Irishman is driving through the city of Dublin and his car is weaving violently all over the road.
A cop pulls him over.
“So,” says the cop to the driver, “where have you been?”
“I’ve been to the pub,” slurs the drunk.
“Well,” says t
A drunken Irishman is driving through the city of Dublin and his car is weaving violently all over the road.
A cop pulls him over.
“So,” says the cop to the driver, “where have you been?”
“I’ve been to the pub,” slurs the drunk.
“Well,” says t
9.
A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking in single file.The Jewis
A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking in single file.The Jewis
10.
Hints on how to liven up your idle hours to maintain a healthy level of insanity:1At lunch time, sit In your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing carswatch them slow down.2On all your cheque stubs, write “For Marijuana”3Skip dow
Hints on how to liven up your idle hours to maintain a healthy level of insanity:1At lunch time, sit In your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing carswatch them slow down.2On all your cheque stubs, write “For Marijuana”3Skip dow
11.
An atheist became incensed over Christmas holiday preparations.
He filed a lawsuit about the constant celebrations given to Christians and Jews while atheists had no holiday to celebrate.
The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the l
An atheist became incensed over Christmas holiday preparations.
He filed a lawsuit about the constant celebrations given to Christians and Jews while atheists had no holiday to celebrate.
The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the l
12.
A little boy was in a relative's weddingAs he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride's side and groom's side).While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roarSo it wen
A little boy was in a relative's weddingAs he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride's side and groom's side).While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roarSo it wen
13.
A very wealthy lawyer in a small town is notorious for never giving money to any charityThe local animal shelter knows he has a dog and they think that this could be their way into his wallet.They go to his door and he answers, “What do you want?”One of t
A very wealthy lawyer in a small town is notorious for never giving money to any charityThe local animal shelter knows he has a dog and they think that this could be their way into his wallet.They go to his door and he answers, “What do you want?”One of t
14.
She gets out of bed and puts on her shoes. As she's walking down the hallway to the convent kitchen, another nun looks at her, smiles and says, “Someone got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning!”She thought this was a bit odd, but decides to igno
She gets out of bed and puts on her shoes. As she's walking down the hallway to the convent kitchen, another nun looks at her, smiles and says, “Someone got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning!”She thought this was a bit odd, but decides to igno
15.
When God created the dog, he said: “Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past.
For this, I will give you a lifespan of twenty years.
” The dog replied: “That’s a long time to be barking. How about only ten y
When God created the dog, he said: “Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past.
For this, I will give you a lifespan of twenty years.
” The dog replied: “That’s a long time to be barking. How about only ten y
16.
A Prisoner is digging a tunnel out of prisonHe is slowly making progress day by day, but with just a spoon for a shovel it seems like an impossible task.After numerous years of blood and sweat, he finally manages to reach the surface outside of the prison
A Prisoner is digging a tunnel out of prisonHe is slowly making progress day by day, but with just a spoon for a shovel it seems like an impossible task.After numerous years of blood and sweat, he finally manages to reach the surface outside of the prison
17.
A very poor man lived with his wife whose hair was very long.One day the wife asked her husband to buy her a comb for her long hair so that it can continue to grow well and to be well groomed.The man felt sorry and said he didn't have money even to fix th
A very poor man lived with his wife whose hair was very long.One day the wife asked her husband to buy her a comb for her long hair so that it can continue to grow well and to be well groomed.The man felt sorry and said he didn't have money even to fix th
18.
The Chief Rabbi of Israel and the Pope are in a meeting in RomeThe Rabbi notices an unusually fancy phone on a side table in the Pope's private chambers.“What is that phone for?” he asks the pontiff.“It's my direct line to the Lord!”The Rabbi is skeptical
The Chief Rabbi of Israel and the Pope are in a meeting in RomeThe Rabbi notices an unusually fancy phone on a side table in the Pope's private chambers.“What is that phone for?” he asks the pontiff.“It's my direct line to the Lord!”The Rabbi is skeptical
19.
Two old men, Abe and Sol, sit on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about baseball.Abe turns to Sol and asks, “Do you think there's baseball in Heaven?”Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, “I dunnoBut let's make a deal — if I die first, I'l
Two old men, Abe and Sol, sit on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about baseball.Abe turns to Sol and asks, “Do you think there's baseball in Heaven?”Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, “I dunnoBut let's make a deal — if I die first, I'l
20.
There was this world famous painterIn the prime of her career, she started losing her eyesight.Fearful that she might lose her life as a painter, she went to see the best eye surgeon in the world.After several weeks of delicate surgery and therapy, her ey
There was this world famous painterIn the prime of her career, she started losing her eyesight.Fearful that she might lose her life as a painter, she went to see the best eye surgeon in the world.After several weeks of delicate surgery and therapy, her ey
21.
A New York State trooper pulled a car over.
When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a Magician and Juggler and was on his way to the Bronx to do a show for the Children’s Hospital.
He didn’t want to be late.
A New York State trooper pulled a car over.
When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a Magician and Juggler and was on his way to the Bronx to do a show for the Children’s Hospital.
He didn’t want to be late.
22.
A young woman was preparing a ham dinner. After she cut off the end of the ham, she placed it in a pan for baking.
Her daughter asked her, “Why did you cut off the end of the ham?
And she replied, “I really don’t know but my mother always did, so I
A young woman was preparing a ham dinner. After she cut off the end of the ham, she placed it in a pan for baking.
Her daughter asked her, “Why did you cut off the end of the ham?
And she replied, “I really don’t know but my mother always did, so I
23.
A guy driving a Yugo pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-RoyceThe driver of the Yugo rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, “Hey, buddy, that's a nice carYou got a phone in your Rolls? I've got one in my Yugo!”The driver of Rolls
A guy driving a Yugo pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-RoyceThe driver of the Yugo rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, “Hey, buddy, that's a nice carYou got a phone in your Rolls? I've got one in my Yugo!”The driver of Rolls
24.
The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computersHe dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, “Hello?”Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having
The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computersHe dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, “Hello?”Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having
25.
A Scottish tourist attended his first baseball game in the US…
… and after a base hit, he hears the fans roaring, “Run… Run!”
The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stands up and roars with the crowd in his thick accent, “R-
A Scottish tourist attended his first baseball game in the US…
… and after a base hit, he hears the fans roaring, “Run… Run!”
The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stands up and roars with the crowd in his thick accent, “R-
26.
— Best taken in the autumn or mid winter.Buy a lead and tie it to a big stone, walk around dragging the stone behind you.Get up at 5am, go out in the pouring rain and walk up and down a muddy path, repeating good girl/boy, wee wees…poo poos, quickly pleas
— Best taken in the autumn or mid winter.Buy a lead and tie it to a big stone, walk around dragging the stone behind you.Get up at 5am, go out in the pouring rain and walk up and down a muddy path, repeating good girl/boy, wee wees…poo poos, quickly pleas
27.
A group of male friends, all turning 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch.Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons because the waitresses had big breasts and wore mini-skirts.Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again d
A group of male friends, all turning 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch.Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons because the waitresses had big breasts and wore mini-skirts.Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again d
28.
If they say they’re John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work, if
If they say they’re John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work, if
29.
One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnantNot wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage,he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the childIf she stayed in Italy to raise the
One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnantNot wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage,he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the childIf she stayed in Italy to raise the
30.
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost.He reduces his altitude and spots a man down below.He lowers the balloon further and shouts: “Excuse me, can you help me?I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost.He reduces his altitude and spots a man down below.He lowers the balloon further and shouts: “Excuse me, can you help me?I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know
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