1.
Sam and his wife Rachel were playing golf at the club when she drove a 300 yard tee shot straight down the fairway.
Sam said, ‘Wow I have never seen you play this well before!’ ‘I took lessons.’ Says Rachel.
A couple of days later on the tennis cour
Sam and his wife Rachel were playing golf at the club when she drove a 300 yard tee shot straight down the fairway.
Sam said, ‘Wow I have never seen you play this well before!’ ‘I took lessons.’ Says Rachel.
A couple of days later on the tennis cour
2.
A monk and a priest are driving down a street in different directions.
Oddly enough, they end up getting into a crash.
They both get out of their cars, infuriated that there had been a wreck.
But since both of them are men of God, they began to t
A monk and a priest are driving down a street in different directions.
Oddly enough, they end up getting into a crash.
They both get out of their cars, infuriated that there had been a wreck.
But since both of them are men of God, they began to t
3.
After ordering a milkshake, a man had to leave his seat in the restaurant to use the rest room.
Since he didn’t want anyone to take his shake, he took a paper napkin, wrote on it, “The world’s strongest weight lifter,” and left it under his glass.
W
After ordering a milkshake, a man had to leave his seat in the restaurant to use the rest room.
Since he didn’t want anyone to take his shake, he took a paper napkin, wrote on it, “The world’s strongest weight lifter,” and left it under his glass.
W
4.
He brought it home and his wife looks at him and says, “What you gonna do with that? There ain't no water deep enough to float a boat within 100 miles of here.”He says, “I won it and I'm a gonna keep it.”His brother came over to visit several days later.
He brought it home and his wife looks at him and says, “What you gonna do with that? There ain't no water deep enough to float a boat within 100 miles of here.”He says, “I won it and I'm a gonna keep it.”His brother came over to visit several days later.
5.
Anna realized that she had grown hair between her legs.
She got worried and asked her mom about that hair.
Her mom calmly said:
“That part where the hair has grown is called Monkey,
be proud that your monkey has grown hair.”
the girl smiled
Anna realized that she had grown hair between her legs.
She got worried and asked her mom about that hair.
Her mom calmly said:
“That part where the hair has grown is called Monkey,
be proud that your monkey has grown hair.”
the girl smiled
6.
A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, “What are the grounds for your divorce?”
She replied, “About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.”
“No,” he said, “I mean
A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, “What are the grounds for your divorce?”
She replied, “About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.”
“No,” he said, “I mean
7.
A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years.They had shared everything.They had talked about everything.They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoebox in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her
A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years.They had shared everything.They had talked about everything.They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoebox in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her
8.
I can't speak to my wife directly as she might find it offensive, given our old age he says to the doc. There's a simple trick you can try to determine her hearing, explains the doctor simply ask her a question at a distance and if she doesn't hear you, m
I can't speak to my wife directly as she might find it offensive, given our old age he says to the doc. There's a simple trick you can try to determine her hearing, explains the doctor simply ask her a question at a distance and if she doesn't hear you, m
9.
A man and his wife were working in their garden one day.
The man looks over at his wife and says: “Your butt is getting really big I mean really big. I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue.”
With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and me
A man and his wife were working in their garden one day.
The man looks over at his wife and says: “Your butt is getting really big I mean really big. I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue.”
With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and me
10.
Ed and his wife Norma faithfully go to the state fair every year, and every year Ed would plead, “Norma, I'd like to ride in that helicopter.”Frugal Norma would always sternly reply, “I know Ed, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is
Ed and his wife Norma faithfully go to the state fair every year, and every year Ed would plead, “Norma, I'd like to ride in that helicopter.”Frugal Norma would always sternly reply, “I know Ed, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is
11.
An old man gets on a crowded bus and no one gives him a seat.As the bus shakes and rattles, the old man's cane slips on the floor and he falls down.As he gets up, a seven-year-old kid, sitting nearby, turns to him and says,“If you put a little rubber thin
An old man gets on a crowded bus and no one gives him a seat.As the bus shakes and rattles, the old man's cane slips on the floor and he falls down.As he gets up, a seven-year-old kid, sitting nearby, turns to him and says,“If you put a little rubber thin
12.
A guy goes to a girl’s house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room.
She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to get them some snacks and drinks.
As he’s standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantle.
He pi
A guy goes to a girl’s house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room.
She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to get them some snacks and drinks.
As he’s standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantle.
He pi
13.
A rich man comes home and immediately starts shouting at his wife.
“I’ve been looking at our expenses and they are through the roof! What have you got so much to spend on? From now on, things will need to be different!” “Different how?” the wife asked.
A rich man comes home and immediately starts shouting at his wife.
“I’ve been looking at our expenses and they are through the roof! What have you got so much to spend on? From now on, things will need to be different!” “Different how?” the wife asked.
14.
At work, Tom and Jack were chatting:Tom: Jack, I've been attending evening classes for 8 months now and I have a test next month.Jack: oh!Tom: For example, do you know who is Thomas Edison?Jack: NoTom: He's the inventor of the light bulb; if you take even
At work, Tom and Jack were chatting:Tom: Jack, I've been attending evening classes for 8 months now and I have a test next month.Jack: oh!Tom: For example, do you know who is Thomas Edison?Jack: NoTom: He's the inventor of the light bulb; if you take even
15.
I went to the liquor store Friday afternoon on my bicycle,
bought a bottle of Scotch and put it in the bicycle basket.
As I was about to leave, I thought to myself,
“What if I fell off my bicycle, the bottle would break”.
So, I drank all the S
I went to the liquor store Friday afternoon on my bicycle,
bought a bottle of Scotch and put it in the bicycle basket.
As I was about to leave, I thought to myself,
“What if I fell off my bicycle, the bottle would break”.
So, I drank all the S
16.
By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken.“You've got to have a room somewhere,” he pleaded“Or just a bed, I don't care where.”“Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a Navy guy,” admitted the manager, “and he mi
By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken.“You've got to have a room somewhere,” he pleaded“Or just a bed, I don't care where.”“Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a Navy guy,” admitted the manager, “and he mi
17.
When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend.
When I was 16 I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.
In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional.
When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend.
When I was 16 I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.
In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional.
18.
A farmer drove to a neighbor's farmhouse and knocked at the door.A boy, about 9, opened the door“Is your dad or mum home?” said the farmer.“No, they went to town.”“How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?”“No, he went with Mum and Dad.”The farmer stood
A farmer drove to a neighbor's farmhouse and knocked at the door.A boy, about 9, opened the door“Is your dad or mum home?” said the farmer.“No, they went to town.”“How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?”“No, he went with Mum and Dad.”The farmer stood
19.
A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and gently tapped him of the shoulder to get his attention.The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate-gla
A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and gently tapped him of the shoulder to get his attention.The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate-gla
20.
He couldn't decide how to split them between Adam and Eve, so he thought he might just as well ask them.“I've got two things for you, but you'll have to decide who gets what. The first thing is the ability to pee standing up…”Adam interrupted, “Oh please
He couldn't decide how to split them between Adam and Eve, so he thought he might just as well ask them.“I've got two things for you, but you'll have to decide who gets what. The first thing is the ability to pee standing up…”Adam interrupted, “Oh please
21.
I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labor.
The nurse walked out and said to the man sitting next to me, “Congratulations sir, you’re the new father of twins!” The man replied, “How about that, I work for the Do
I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labor.
The nurse walked out and said to the man sitting next to me, “Congratulations sir, you’re the new father of twins!” The man replied, “How about that, I work for the Do
22.
A man standing at a urinal notices that he’s being watched by a midget.
“Wow,” comments the midget.
“Those are the nicest balls I have ever seen!”
Surprised and flattered, the man thanks the midget and continues to pee.
Suddenly, the midget pu
A man standing at a urinal notices that he’s being watched by a midget.
“Wow,” comments the midget.
“Those are the nicest balls I have ever seen!”
Surprised and flattered, the man thanks the midget and continues to pee.
Suddenly, the midget pu
23.
A woman takes her 16 year old daughter to the doctor.
The doctor says, “Okay, Mrs. Jones, what seems to be the problem?”
The mother says, “It’s my daughter Darla.
She keeps getting these cravings, she’s putting on weight and is sick most mornings
A woman takes her 16 year old daughter to the doctor.
The doctor says, “Okay, Mrs. Jones, what seems to be the problem?”
The mother says, “It’s my daughter Darla.
She keeps getting these cravings, she’s putting on weight and is sick most mornings
24.
An elderly man travelling by plane was in urgent need of a restroom facility.
But each time he tried, it was occupied.
The flight attendant, aware of his predicament, suggested he use the attendant’s ladies room, but cautioned him not to press any o
An elderly man travelling by plane was in urgent need of a restroom facility.
But each time he tried, it was occupied.
The flight attendant, aware of his predicament, suggested he use the attendant’s ladies room, but cautioned him not to press any o
25.
An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard.I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of.He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head.He then followed me into my house, slowly walked d
An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard.I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of.He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head.He then followed me into my house, slowly walked d
26.
A neighborhood kid was looking for ways to earn money.He knocked on the door of one house, and when the man answered the boy asked, “Hey mister, got any odd jobs I can do?”The man indeed had a job for the boy to doHe handed the boy a can of red paint and
A neighborhood kid was looking for ways to earn money.He knocked on the door of one house, and when the man answered the boy asked, “Hey mister, got any odd jobs I can do?”The man indeed had a job for the boy to doHe handed the boy a can of red paint and
27.
A hillbilly’s wife went into labor in the middle of the night and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.
Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, ‘Here, you hold this high so I can see what I
A hillbilly’s wife went into labor in the middle of the night and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.
Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, ‘Here, you hold this high so I can see what I
28.
An attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency.An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor.“So, what is it?” grumbled the governor.“Judge Garber has just died” said the att
An attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency.An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor.“So, what is it?” grumbled the governor.“Judge Garber has just died” said the att
29.
This dog walks into a post office and says to the Postmaster.
“I need to send a telegram.”
The Postmaster says.
“OK, what is it?”
The dog says.
“I need it to say, Woof woof woof woof woof woof woof.”
The Postmaster counts the words and s
This dog walks into a post office and says to the Postmaster.
“I need to send a telegram.”
The Postmaster says.
“OK, what is it?”
The dog says.
“I need it to say, Woof woof woof woof woof woof woof.”
The Postmaster counts the words and s
30.
Joe was moderately successful in his career, but as he got older he was increasingly hampered by incredible headaches.
When his personal hygiene and love life started to suffer, he sought medical help.
After being referred from one specialist to ano
Joe was moderately successful in his career, but as he got older he was increasingly hampered by incredible headaches.
When his personal hygiene and love life started to suffer, he sought medical help.
After being referred from one specialist to ano
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Eng Jokes
