1.
The wife checked her husband's phone and found these names:‘The tender one'‘The amazing one'‘Lady of my dreams,She got angry and called the first number to find out that was his mother.Then she called the second number to which his sister replied.When she
The wife checked her husband's phone and found these names:‘The tender one'‘The amazing one'‘Lady of my dreams,She got angry and called the first number to find out that was his mother.Then she called the second number to which his sister replied.When she
2.
John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Milwaukee.
After spending a great evening chatting the night away, the next morning John’s grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast.
However, John notice
John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Milwaukee.
After spending a great evening chatting the night away, the next morning John’s grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast.
However, John notice
3.
But after college one moves to Georgia and the other to California.They agree to meet every ten years in Florida to play golf and catch up with each other.At age 32 they meet, finish their round of golf and head for lunch.“Where you wanna go?”“Hooters.”“W
But after college one moves to Georgia and the other to California.They agree to meet every ten years in Florida to play golf and catch up with each other.At age 32 they meet, finish their round of golf and head for lunch.“Where you wanna go?”“Hooters.”“W
4.
The King knew his gorgeous Queen was going to be unfaithful with everyone through the court and county, so he turned to his court magistrate for help.The court magistrate showed the King a pair of metal panties, with a hole in the middle.“Why, doesn't tha
The King knew his gorgeous Queen was going to be unfaithful with everyone through the court and county, so he turned to his court magistrate for help.The court magistrate showed the King a pair of metal panties, with a hole in the middle.“Why, doesn't tha
5.
An old man goes into the Social Security Office and fills out an application.Too old to have a birth certificate, he is asked to prove he is old enough.He opens his shirt and shows them the gray hair on his chest and they accept that as proof.He goes home
An old man goes into the Social Security Office and fills out an application.Too old to have a birth certificate, he is asked to prove he is old enough.He opens his shirt and shows them the gray hair on his chest and they accept that as proof.He goes home
6.
Johnny went to confession, at the beginning of Lent….
“Bless me Father for I have sinned.
It has been 3 months since my last confession.
In that time I have disobeyed my parents nine times, missed Sunday Mass once, had impure thoughts, oh,
abo
Johnny went to confession, at the beginning of Lent….
“Bless me Father for I have sinned.
It has been 3 months since my last confession.
In that time I have disobeyed my parents nine times, missed Sunday Mass once, had impure thoughts, oh,
abo
7.
There were five people aboard an airplane having engine trouble getting ready to crash, however, there were only four parachutes.Everyone wondered what should be done to determine who should get the parachutes.One person said that he was the smartest thin
There were five people aboard an airplane having engine trouble getting ready to crash, however, there were only four parachutes.Everyone wondered what should be done to determine who should get the parachutes.One person said that he was the smartest thin
8.
One night a blonde nun was praying in her room when God appeared before her.
“My daughter, you have pleased me greatly.
Your heart is full of love for your fellow creatures and your actions and prayers are always for the benefit of others.
I have
One night a blonde nun was praying in her room when God appeared before her.
“My daughter, you have pleased me greatly.
Your heart is full of love for your fellow creatures and your actions and prayers are always for the benefit of others.
I have
9.
One day Nasreddin Hodja quarrelled with his wife.He shouted at her till she could not bear it and fled to her neighbour's houseThe Hodja followed her there.The neighbours managed to placate the angry husband and served the couple tea and sweetmeats.When t
One day Nasreddin Hodja quarrelled with his wife.He shouted at her till she could not bear it and fled to her neighbour's houseThe Hodja followed her there.The neighbours managed to placate the angry husband and served the couple tea and sweetmeats.When t
10.
A Priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish.A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner.However he was delayed, so the Priest
A Priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish.A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner.However he was delayed, so the Priest
11.
The phone rings at the local police station.
“Hello? I’m calling to report my neighbor, Craig.
He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood!”
“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”
The next day, policemen descend on the neighbor’s house.
Th
The phone rings at the local police station.
“Hello? I’m calling to report my neighbor, Craig.
He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood!”
“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”
The next day, policemen descend on the neighbor’s house.
Th
12.
A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were each given the same red rubber ball and told to find the volume.The mathematician carefully measured the diameter and evaluated a triple integral.The physicist filled a beaker with water, put the ball in
A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were each given the same red rubber ball and told to find the volume.The mathematician carefully measured the diameter and evaluated a triple integral.The physicist filled a beaker with water, put the ball in
13.
Joe had asked Bob to help him out with the deck after work, so Bob just went straight over to Joe’s place.
When they got to the door, Joe went straight to his wife, gave her a hug and told her how beautiful she was and how much he had missed her at wor
Joe had asked Bob to help him out with the deck after work, so Bob just went straight over to Joe’s place.
When they got to the door, Joe went straight to his wife, gave her a hug and told her how beautiful she was and how much he had missed her at wor
14.
A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an American on an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives.“Last night I made love to my wife four times,” the Frenchman bragged, “and this morning she made me delici
A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an American on an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives.“Last night I made love to my wife four times,” the Frenchman bragged, “and this morning she made me delici
15.
The first one married a woman from Minneapolis, and said to her:“When I get back from work, I want the house to be clean and tidy.”He didn't see any changes on the first day, but on the second day the house was clean and tidy.The second brother married a
The first one married a woman from Minneapolis, and said to her:“When I get back from work, I want the house to be clean and tidy.”He didn't see any changes on the first day, but on the second day the house was clean and tidy.The second brother married a
16.
Q: There are 500 bricks on a planeOne falls offHow many are left?A: 499Q: What are the three steps to putting an elephant in the fridge?A: Open door, put elephant in, close door.Q: What are the 4 steps to putting a giraffe in the fridge?A: Open door, take
Q: There are 500 bricks on a planeOne falls offHow many are left?A: 499Q: What are the three steps to putting an elephant in the fridge?A: Open door, put elephant in, close door.Q: What are the 4 steps to putting a giraffe in the fridge?A: Open door, take
17.
His parents look at the truck and ask, “Where did you get that truck?!”“I bought it today,” he says.“With what money?” says his mother arching an eyebrow.They knew what a new F150 cost.“Well,” he says, “this one cost me just fifteen dollars.”The father lo
His parents look at the truck and ask, “Where did you get that truck?!”“I bought it today,” he says.“With what money?” says his mother arching an eyebrow.They knew what a new F150 cost.“Well,” he says, “this one cost me just fifteen dollars.”The father lo
18.
A farmer had a three legged pig and his neighbor asked him why the pig had only three legs.“Well, I'll tell you” the farmer replied.“One day I was plowing my field and the tractor turned over and pinned me underneathThat pig ran for helpHe saved my life.”
A farmer had a three legged pig and his neighbor asked him why the pig had only three legs.“Well, I'll tell you” the farmer replied.“One day I was plowing my field and the tractor turned over and pinned me underneathThat pig ran for helpHe saved my life.”
19.
A frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and was told,“You are going to meet a beautiful young woman who will want to know everything about you.”The frog said, “That's great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?”“No,” said the psychic, “Next term — in her bi
A frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and was told,“You are going to meet a beautiful young woman who will want to know everything about you.”The frog said, “That's great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?”“No,” said the psychic, “Next term — in her bi
20.
There is a town in France, which was flooding.Some people escaped to the roof of the church.The priest, however, stayed and said, “Let God come.”Someone came to save him but the priest said, “God will save me.”He refused to get in, maintaining that God wi
There is a town in France, which was flooding.Some people escaped to the roof of the church.The priest, however, stayed and said, “Let God come.”Someone came to save him but the priest said, “God will save me.”He refused to get in, maintaining that God wi
21.
Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says,
“Mom, what are those things on your chest!?”
Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten.
Johnny didn’t forg
Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says,
“Mom, what are those things on your chest!?”
Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten.
Johnny didn’t forg
22.
Unfortunately the bus got cancelled, so he had to call a cab.While sitting in the cab, he noticed that the driver missed a turn in an intersection.The man carefully tapped the driver on his shoulder and said, “Sorry Sir, but…”The driver screamed, “AAAAAAH
Unfortunately the bus got cancelled, so he had to call a cab.While sitting in the cab, he noticed that the driver missed a turn in an intersection.The man carefully tapped the driver on his shoulder and said, “Sorry Sir, but…”The driver screamed, “AAAAAAH
23.
Johnny’s dad told Johnny to take a shower.
“I’m scared, can I take a shower with you?” Johnny said.
“No, son, that would be weird,” his father replied.
“Please?” he cried.
“Okay, okay, but just don’t look down..”
Johnny, being the curious b
Johnny’s dad told Johnny to take a shower.
“I’m scared, can I take a shower with you?” Johnny said.
“No, son, that would be weird,” his father replied.
“Please?” he cried.
“Okay, okay, but just don’t look down..”
Johnny, being the curious b
24.
Arriving home from work at my usual hour of 5 p.m.I discovered that it had not been one of my wife's better days.Nothing I said or did seemed to be right.By 7 p.m., things had not changed, so I suggested I go outside, pretend I had just gotten home, and s
Arriving home from work at my usual hour of 5 p.m.I discovered that it had not been one of my wife's better days.Nothing I said or did seemed to be right.By 7 p.m., things had not changed, so I suggested I go outside, pretend I had just gotten home, and s
25.
The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident in the Bay of Fundy, Nova Scotia, a man answered his door to find two grim-faced Mounties.
“We know it’s late, sir, but we have some information about your wife,” said one of the Mounties.
“T
The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident in the Bay of Fundy, Nova Scotia, a man answered his door to find two grim-faced Mounties.
“We know it’s late, sir, but we have some information about your wife,” said one of the Mounties.
“T
26.
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.”
“What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married 10 times?”
“Well,
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.”
“What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married 10 times?”
“Well,
27.
The pilot announced, “Uh, Folks, we just experienced some turbulence, which caused some engine troubles on our left wing. Luckily, this jet is equipped with 4 engines, and we still have 3 functional engines! Because of the engine issues we will be arriv
The pilot announced, “Uh, Folks, we just experienced some turbulence, which caused some engine troubles on our left wing. Luckily, this jet is equipped with 4 engines, and we still have 3 functional engines! Because of the engine issues we will be arriv
28.
After settling in, she decides to message her friend.“Kate,” she wrote, “I finally moved out of that dingy old office and into a beautiful new one.”Happy to hear this news, Kate orders a bouquet of flowers to send to Jenny's new location.The next day, a b
After settling in, she decides to message her friend.“Kate,” she wrote, “I finally moved out of that dingy old office and into a beautiful new one.”Happy to hear this news, Kate orders a bouquet of flowers to send to Jenny's new location.The next day, a b
29.
After a day fishing in the ocean a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two lobsters in a bucket.He is approached by the Game Warden who asks him for his fishing license.The fisherman says to the warden, “I did not catch these lobsters, they are my
After a day fishing in the ocean a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two lobsters in a bucket.He is approached by the Game Warden who asks him for his fishing license.The fisherman says to the warden, “I did not catch these lobsters, they are my
30.
A little turtle begins to climb a tree slowly.After long hours of effort, he reaches the top, jumps into the air waving his front legs, until he crashes heavily into the ground with a hard knock on his shell.After recovering his consciousness, he starts t
A little turtle begins to climb a tree slowly.After long hours of effort, he reaches the top, jumps into the air waving his front legs, until he crashes heavily into the ground with a hard knock on his shell.After recovering his consciousness, he starts t
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