1.
The priest asks, “Is that you, little Joey Pagano?”“Yes, Father, it is.”“And who was the girl you were with?”“I can't tell you, FatherI don't want to ruin her reputation.”“Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell m
The priest asks, “Is that you, little Joey Pagano?”“Yes, Father, it is.”“And who was the girl you were with?”“I can't tell you, FatherI don't want to ruin her reputation.”“Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell m
2.
A man goes into a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous.
A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt and legs that won’t quit came to his table and asked if he was ready to order:“What would you like, sir?”
He l
A man goes into a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous.
A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt and legs that won’t quit came to his table and asked if he was ready to order:“What would you like, sir?”
He l
3.
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said,“Well, son, it was 1932, the depth of the Great Depression.I was down to my last nickel.I invested that nickel in an apple.I spent the entire day p
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said,“Well, son, it was 1932, the depth of the Great Depression.I was down to my last nickel.I invested that nickel in an apple.I spent the entire day p
4.
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink.Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was.When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen.He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gu
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink.Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was.When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen.He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gu
5.
His parents look at the truck and ask, “Where did you get that truck?!”“I bought it today,” he says.“With what money?” says his mother arching an eyebrow.They knew what a new F150 cost.“Well,” he says, “this one cost me just fifteen dollars.”The father lo
His parents look at the truck and ask, “Where did you get that truck?!”“I bought it today,” he says.“With what money?” says his mother arching an eyebrow.They knew what a new F150 cost.“Well,” he says, “this one cost me just fifteen dollars.”The father lo
6.
One day, an elderly man Jimmy was walking down Main Street when he saw his old buddy Bubba driving a brand new pickup.Bubba pulled up to him with a wide grin.“Bubba, where'd you get that truck?!”“Mary gave it to me,” Bubba replied.“She gave it to you? I k
One day, an elderly man Jimmy was walking down Main Street when he saw his old buddy Bubba driving a brand new pickup.Bubba pulled up to him with a wide grin.“Bubba, where'd you get that truck?!”“Mary gave it to me,” Bubba replied.“She gave it to you? I k
7.
The man picks up, listens for a second and says, “How the hell would I know, you idiot? I'm not a weatherman,” before slamming down the receiver.“Who was that?” asks his wife.“Wrong number. It was some jerk asking if the coast was clear.”
The man picks up, listens for a second and says, “How the hell would I know, you idiot? I'm not a weatherman,” before slamming down the receiver.“Who was that?” asks his wife.“Wrong number. It was some jerk asking if the coast was clear.”
8.
“Mommy,” the little girl asks, “How old are you?”“Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,” the mother replied“It's not polite.”“OK”, the little girl says, “How much do you weigh?”“Now really,” the mother says, “Those are personal questions and
“Mommy,” the little girl asks, “How old are you?”“Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,” the mother replied“It's not polite.”“OK”, the little girl says, “How much do you weigh?”“Now really,” the mother says, “Those are personal questions and
9.
Saint Peter asks, Tell me what the purpose of Easter is“They're not very smart, but they're nice, and I'm not sure whether to let them in or not.”God says, “Well we do have standards here. Ask them some simple questions, if they get them right, let them
Saint Peter asks, Tell me what the purpose of Easter is“They're not very smart, but they're nice, and I'm not sure whether to let them in or not.”God says, “Well we do have standards here. Ask them some simple questions, if they get them right, let them
10.
This mafia family was in need of a collection officer, and after screening many applicants they hired an individual who happened to be hearing impaired.
He was very good at what he did, and within a week he had collected $40,000.
from non-payers, ho
This mafia family was in need of a collection officer, and after screening many applicants they hired an individual who happened to be hearing impaired.
He was very good at what he did, and within a week he had collected $40,000.
from non-payers, ho
11.
Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts around the grocery store when they collide.The old guy says to the young guy, “Sorry about thatI'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going.”The young guy says, “
Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts around the grocery store when they collide.The old guy says to the young guy, “Sorry about thatI'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going.”The young guy says, “
12.
Two math professors are in a restaurantOne argues that the average person does not know any math beyond high school.The other argues that the average person knows some more advanced mathJust then, the first one gets up to use the rest room.The second prof
Two math professors are in a restaurantOne argues that the average person does not know any math beyond high school.The other argues that the average person knows some more advanced mathJust then, the first one gets up to use the rest room.The second prof
13.
A husband and wife have four sons.The oldest three are tall with red hair and light skin while the youngest son is short with black hair and dark eyes.The father was on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said,“Honey, before I die, be totally hone
A husband and wife have four sons.The oldest three are tall with red hair and light skin while the youngest son is short with black hair and dark eyes.The father was on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said,“Honey, before I die, be totally hone
14.
A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess.”He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back
A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess.”He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back
15.
The young wife went into labor while her husband was overseas serving in the war.The next day he got the news that his wife had delivered twins.He got to a phone and called her right away.“Oh honey, I'm so happy,” he said“Who took you to the hospital?”“Yo
The young wife went into labor while her husband was overseas serving in the war.The next day he got the news that his wife had delivered twins.He got to a phone and called her right away.“Oh honey, I'm so happy,” he said“Who took you to the hospital?”“Yo
16.
An old French lady had a small shop in her village for years until one day a huge corporate supermarket set up across the road from her little shop.
They put up signs advertising their prices, including one that said:
Butter – 10 francs.
In respo
An old French lady had a small shop in her village for years until one day a huge corporate supermarket set up across the road from her little shop.
They put up signs advertising their prices, including one that said:
Butter – 10 francs.
In respo
17.
Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all.After a long life together, the husband was the first to die.True to his word, he made the first contact:“Delora… Delora…”“Is that you, Darling?”“Yes, I've come back like we agreed.”“That's wonder
Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all.After a long life together, the husband was the first to die.True to his word, he made the first contact:“Delora… Delora…”“Is that you, Darling?”“Yes, I've come back like we agreed.”“That's wonder
18.
This is the letter that the man wrote to his wife:Dear Wife,I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you foreverI've been a good man to you for 7 years and I have nothing to show for itThese last 2 weeks have been hell…Your boss called to
This is the letter that the man wrote to his wife:Dear Wife,I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you foreverI've been a good man to you for 7 years and I have nothing to show for itThese last 2 weeks have been hell…Your boss called to
19.
A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan.He asks, “What was that for?”She says, “I found a piece of paper in your pocket with Betty Sue written on it.”He says, “Jeez, honey, reme
A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan.He asks, “What was that for?”She says, “I found a piece of paper in your pocket with Betty Sue written on it.”He says, “Jeez, honey, reme
20.
After a preacher dies and goes to Heaven, he notices that a New York cab driver has been awarded a higher place.“I don't understand,” he complains to Saint Peter“I devoted my entire life to my congregation.”“Our policy here in Heaven is to reward results,
After a preacher dies and goes to Heaven, he notices that a New York cab driver has been awarded a higher place.“I don't understand,” he complains to Saint Peter“I devoted my entire life to my congregation.”“Our policy here in Heaven is to reward results,
21.
A couple goes for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and orders the “Chicken Surprise.” The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast-iron pot.Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady l
A couple goes for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and orders the “Chicken Surprise.” The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast-iron pot.Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady l
22.
A farmer had 5 female pigs but times were hard and he needed a solution.
A farmer had 5 female pigs. Times were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them. At the fair, he met another farmer who owned 5 male pigs.
After talkin
A farmer had 5 female pigs but times were hard and he needed a solution.
A farmer had 5 female pigs. Times were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them. At the fair, he met another farmer who owned 5 male pigs.
After talkin
23.
My girlfriend was slightly overweight.So, our Doctor put her on a diet.He said to her that she had to eat regularly for 2 days, skip a day and repeat that procedure for 3 weeks and that when he sees her next time, she should have lost at least seven pound
My girlfriend was slightly overweight.So, our Doctor put her on a diet.He said to her that she had to eat regularly for 2 days, skip a day and repeat that procedure for 3 weeks and that when he sees her next time, she should have lost at least seven pound
24.
The bartender said, “You can't bring that monkey in here!”The man said, “Don't worry, he won't cause any trouble.”Within seconds the monkey jumped on the pool table and swallowed the cue ball.The bartender yelled, “Hey, he just ate my cue ballNo one can p
The bartender said, “You can't bring that monkey in here!”The man said, “Don't worry, he won't cause any trouble.”Within seconds the monkey jumped on the pool table and swallowed the cue ball.The bartender yelled, “Hey, he just ate my cue ballNo one can p
25.
Bob works hard and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym.
His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, “Hey, Bob! How y
Bob works hard and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym.
His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, “Hey, Bob! How y
26.
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any recent interest in his paintings, which happened to be on display.“I have good news and bad news,” the gallery owner replied“The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any recent interest in his paintings, which happened to be on display.“I have good news and bad news,” the gallery owner replied“The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if
27.
A woman had just totaled her car in a horrific accident.
Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
“My God!” the trooper gasped. “Your car looks like
A woman had just totaled her car in a horrific accident.
Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
“My God!” the trooper gasped. “Your car looks like
28.
Two hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their car.
Another hunter approached pulling his along too.
“Hey, I don’t want to tell you how to do something… but I can tell you that it’s much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction.
Two hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their car.
Another hunter approached pulling his along too.
“Hey, I don’t want to tell you how to do something… but I can tell you that it’s much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction.
29.
Thomas is 32 years old and he is still single.One day a friend asked, “Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?”Thomas replied, “Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parent
Thomas is 32 years old and he is still single.One day a friend asked, “Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?”Thomas replied, “Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parent
30.
However, they arrived several hours early, and had little to do on Sunday morning while everything was closed.“Well,” one says to the other, pointing to a nearby Cathedral, “Why don't we attend Mass?”“Sure,” replies his friend“But we don't know how the Fr
However, they arrived several hours early, and had little to do on Sunday morning while everything was closed.“Well,” one says to the other, pointing to a nearby Cathedral, “Why don't we attend Mass?”“Sure,” replies his friend“But we don't know how the Fr
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Eng Jokes
