1.
Fish goes to the doctor.
The doctor says, “Hello, sir. What brings you in today?”
The fish replies, “Everything. I hurt my back at work, I have a cold, my eyesight is going, and I have high blood pressure.”
The doctor raises his eyebrows, jots do
Fish goes to the doctor.
The doctor says, “Hello, sir. What brings you in today?”
The fish replies, “Everything. I hurt my back at work, I have a cold, my eyesight is going, and I have high blood pressure.”
The doctor raises his eyebrows, jots do
2.
A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years.They had shared everything.They had talked about everything.They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoebox in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her
A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years.They had shared everything.They had talked about everything.They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoebox in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her
3.
Three friends are in a hotel room in Soviet Russia.The first two men open a bottle of vodka, while the third is tired and goes straight to bed.He is unable to sleep however, as his increasingly drunk friends tell political jokes loudly.After a while, the
Three friends are in a hotel room in Soviet Russia.The first two men open a bottle of vodka, while the third is tired and goes straight to bed.He is unable to sleep however, as his increasingly drunk friends tell political jokes loudly.After a while, the
4.
I rear-ended a car this morning.
So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.
You know how sometimes you just get so stressed that little things seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn’t believe it – he was a dwarf!
I rear-ended a car this morning.
So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.
You know how sometimes you just get so stressed that little things seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn’t believe it – he was a dwarf!
5.
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the doorHe rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning“I'm not getting out of bed at this time,” he thinks, and rolls over.Then, a louder knock follows“Aren't yo
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the doorHe rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning“I'm not getting out of bed at this time,” he thinks, and rolls over.Then, a louder knock follows“Aren't yo
6.
… when the bar door opened and the most gorgeous hunk of a man she had ever seen entered.He was tall, muscular, and handsome, with thick dark hair and beautiful, sparkling green eyes, and his every movement was so masculine and sensuous that the woman cou
… when the bar door opened and the most gorgeous hunk of a man she had ever seen entered.He was tall, muscular, and handsome, with thick dark hair and beautiful, sparkling green eyes, and his every movement was so masculine and sensuous that the woman cou
7.
A team of archaeologists were working in Jerusalem when they found a slab of rock with five figures carved on itIn order the figures were:A Woman. A Donkey. A Shovel. A Fish. A Star of David.After months of studying the rock and figures on it, the lea
A team of archaeologists were working in Jerusalem when they found a slab of rock with five figures carved on itIn order the figures were:A Woman. A Donkey. A Shovel. A Fish. A Star of David.After months of studying the rock and figures on it, the lea
8.
A man from Texas is vacationing in Mexico, and spends his day roaming around, taking in the sights.In the evening he goes to a fancy restaurant for dinner.As he sits there sipping his tequila, he notices that the couple at the table next to him are being
A man from Texas is vacationing in Mexico, and spends his day roaming around, taking in the sights.In the evening he goes to a fancy restaurant for dinner.As he sits there sipping his tequila, he notices that the couple at the table next to him are being
9.
A woman awakes in the middle of the night to find her husband not in bedShe puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of hot cocoa in front of himHe appears to be deep in thought, just stari
A woman awakes in the middle of the night to find her husband not in bedShe puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of hot cocoa in front of himHe appears to be deep in thought, just stari
10.
A travelling salesman was passing through the countryside and stopped at a farm asking for some cool water.
The old farmer’s wife invited him to sit in the shade of the porch with her and got him some cold lemonade.
They sat and talked for a while w
A travelling salesman was passing through the countryside and stopped at a farm asking for some cool water.
The old farmer’s wife invited him to sit in the shade of the porch with her and got him some cold lemonade.
They sat and talked for a while w
11.
All of his tests came back with normal results.DrDarns said, “George, everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with yourself, and do you have a good relationship with your God?”George replied, “God
All of his tests came back with normal results.DrDarns said, “George, everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with yourself, and do you have a good relationship with your God?”George replied, “God
12.
Two nuns were shopping at a 7-11 storeas they passed by the beer cooler, one nun said to the other, “wouldn't a nice cool beer or two taste wonderful on a hot summer evening?”The second nun answered, “indeed it would, sister, but I would not feel comforta
Two nuns were shopping at a 7-11 storeas they passed by the beer cooler, one nun said to the other, “wouldn't a nice cool beer or two taste wonderful on a hot summer evening?”The second nun answered, “indeed it would, sister, but I would not feel comforta
13.
A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect.
They end up leaving together.
They get back to his place, and he shows her around his apartment.
She notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy b
A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect.
They end up leaving together.
They get back to his place, and he shows her around his apartment.
She notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy b
14.
When he arrives at the Pearly Gates, God is there to receive him.“WelcomeYou are permitted to ask me one question, which I will answer truthfully.”Without hesitating, the conspiracy theorist asks, “Who really shot Kennedy?”God replies, “Lee Harvey Oswald
When he arrives at the Pearly Gates, God is there to receive him.“WelcomeYou are permitted to ask me one question, which I will answer truthfully.”Without hesitating, the conspiracy theorist asks, “Who really shot Kennedy?”God replies, “Lee Harvey Oswald
15.
While teaching religion class one morning Sister Bridgette was speaking to her 3rd-grade class and she asked the question, “When you die and go to heaven… which part of your body goes first?Suzy raised her hand and said, “I think it's your hands.”“Why d
While teaching religion class one morning Sister Bridgette was speaking to her 3rd-grade class and she asked the question, “When you die and go to heaven… which part of your body goes first?Suzy raised her hand and said, “I think it's your hands.”“Why d
16.
They are seated and after browsing the menu they both decide to order the soup of the day.When the waiter brings their soup the man knocks his spoon on the floor.“Whoops,” he says and turns to the waiter, “I'm terribly sorry but could I have another…”The
They are seated and after browsing the menu they both decide to order the soup of the day.When the waiter brings their soup the man knocks his spoon on the floor.“Whoops,” he says and turns to the waiter, “I'm terribly sorry but could I have another…”The
17.
I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, “If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?”“No, I had to stop drinking years ago,” the homeless man replied.“Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?” I
I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, “If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?”“No, I had to stop drinking years ago,” the homeless man replied.“Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?” I
18.
The Lion, King of the jungle is having his birthday party!He furiously instructs the leopard to not let anyone inside his party except if they bring meat and if they don't, he must shove whatever meal they brought up their a$s!The leopard, with a smirk on
The Lion, King of the jungle is having his birthday party!He furiously instructs the leopard to not let anyone inside his party except if they bring meat and if they don't, he must shove whatever meal they brought up their a$s!The leopard, with a smirk on
19.
Some European explorers were traveling through the Amazon rainforest with some natives as guides… when they started hearing drums in the distance.
Puzzled the Europeans inquired, “we hear drums? What does that mean?” The Natives answered, “When drums s
Some European explorers were traveling through the Amazon rainforest with some natives as guides… when they started hearing drums in the distance.
Puzzled the Europeans inquired, “we hear drums? What does that mean?” The Natives answered, “When drums s
20.
A sixteen year-old boy came home with a new Chevrolet Avalanche and his parents began to yell and scream,“Where did you get that truck?!” He calmly told them, “I bought it today.”“With what money?” demanded his parents.They knew what a Chevrolet Avalanche
A sixteen year-old boy came home with a new Chevrolet Avalanche and his parents began to yell and scream,“Where did you get that truck?!” He calmly told them, “I bought it today.”“With what money?” demanded his parents.They knew what a Chevrolet Avalanche
21.
Sister Mary Katherine lived in a nunnery, a block away from Jack's liquor store in Dublin…One day, she came into the store and said, “Oh Jack, give me a pint o' the brandy.”“Sister Mary Katherine,” exclaimed Jack, “I could never do that!”“I've never sold
Sister Mary Katherine lived in a nunnery, a block away from Jack's liquor store in Dublin…One day, she came into the store and said, “Oh Jack, give me a pint o' the brandy.”“Sister Mary Katherine,” exclaimed Jack, “I could never do that!”“I've never sold
22.
In 1993, Dave Parker was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Kentucky State University.
On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.
The elephant seemed distressed, so Dave approache
In 1993, Dave Parker was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Kentucky State University.
On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.
The elephant seemed distressed, so Dave approache
23.
A man walks into a bar one day and asks, “Does anyone here own that rottweiler outside?”“Yeah, I do!” a biker says, standing up“What about it?”“Well, I think my chihuahua just killed him…”“What are you talkin' about?!” the biker says, disbelievingly“How c
A man walks into a bar one day and asks, “Does anyone here own that rottweiler outside?”“Yeah, I do!” a biker says, standing up“What about it?”“Well, I think my chihuahua just killed him…”“What are you talkin' about?!” the biker says, disbelievingly“How c
24.
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him, and as he sits, the waitress comes over and asks for their order.The man says, “I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke,” and turns to the ostrich.“What's yours?” “I'll have the same,” sa
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him, and as he sits, the waitress comes over and asks for their order.The man says, “I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke,” and turns to the ostrich.“What's yours?” “I'll have the same,” sa
25.
Scottish couple wants their kids to visit on Christmas EveHowever, there are some methods that make things easier…A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, “I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your m
Scottish couple wants their kids to visit on Christmas EveHowever, there are some methods that make things easier…A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, “I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your m
26.
Wife's Diary:Tonight, I thought Tom was acting weirdWe had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinnerI was shopping with my friends all day long; and I was a little late for our date.Conversation wasn't flowing, so I thought he was upset at the fa
Wife's Diary:Tonight, I thought Tom was acting weirdWe had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinnerI was shopping with my friends all day long; and I was a little late for our date.Conversation wasn't flowing, so I thought he was upset at the fa
27.
Anna and blonde are walking home from a night at the bar and have to pee,
so they stop at a cemetery.
With nothing to wipe with Anna uses her underwear and the blonde uses a nearby wreath.
The next day anna’s boyfriend calls his friend, “They are
Anna and blonde are walking home from a night at the bar and have to pee,
so they stop at a cemetery.
With nothing to wipe with Anna uses her underwear and the blonde uses a nearby wreath.
The next day anna’s boyfriend calls his friend, “They are
28.
Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their love lives.One woman said, “I call my husband the dentistNobody can drill like he does.”The second woman giggled and confessed, “I call my husband the miner because of his
Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their love lives.One woman said, “I call my husband the dentistNobody can drill like he does.”The second woman giggled and confessed, “I call my husband the miner because of his
29.
A farmer had just gotten a new rooster for his hens and the old rooster of many years was worried he would be replaced.
However, he had a cunning plan on dealing with this young rival.
He went up to the new rooster and said, “Right, I’ll make you a
A farmer had just gotten a new rooster for his hens and the old rooster of many years was worried he would be replaced.
However, he had a cunning plan on dealing with this young rival.
He went up to the new rooster and said, “Right, I’ll make you a
30.
Sam died and left $50,000 in his will for an elaborate funeral.As the last attenders left, Sam's wife Rose turned to her oldest friend Sadie and said: “Well, I'm sure Sam would be pleased.”“I'm sure you're right,” replied Sadie, who leaned in close and lo
Sam died and left $50,000 in his will for an elaborate funeral.As the last attenders left, Sam's wife Rose turned to her oldest friend Sadie and said: “Well, I'm sure Sam would be pleased.”“I'm sure you're right,” replied Sadie, who leaned in close and lo
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Eng Jokes
