Laughter is the best medicine—and this post is your ultimate source of laughter! We've gathered 160+ Funny Quotes that will instantly lift your spirits and make you smile.
These hilarious and witty quotes cover everything from friendship, office life, marriage, studying, and everyday struggles, all in a fun, lighthearted way. You won’t be able to stop laughing!
Whether you need a caption for Instagram, a status for WhatsApp, or just want to brighten your mood, these funny quotes will come in handy.
Get ready for a dose of humor that will make your day a lot more fun! ЁЯШДЁЯОЙ
.jpg)
Funny Quotes
1.
"I don’t need a motivational quote. I need coffee."
"I don’t need a motivational quote. I need coffee."
2.
"Why don’t skeletons fight? Because they don’t have the guts."
"Why don’t skeletons fight? Because they don’t have the guts."
3.
"My bed and I are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up."
"My bed and I are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up."
4.
"I’m not arguing; I’m just explaining why I’m right."
"I’m not arguing; I’m just explaining why I’m right."
5.
"A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand."
"A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand."
6.
"I used to work at a calendar factory but got fired for taking a couple of days off."
"I used to work at a calendar factory but got fired for taking a couple of days off."
7.
"A day without laughter is a day wasted, but a day without coffee is even worse."
"A day without laughter is a day wasted, but a day without coffee is even worse."
8.
"I thought I wanted a career, but it turns out I just wanted paychecks."
"I thought I wanted a career, but it turns out I just wanted paychecks."
9.
"You don’t have to be crazy to work here, but it helps."
"You don’t have to be crazy to work here, but it helps."
10.
"The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades."
"The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades."
11.
"Laziness is the mother of all bad habits, but she is a mother, and we should respect her."
"Laziness is the mother of all bad habits, but she is a mother, and we should respect her."
12.
"Why don’t sharks like fast food? Because they can’t catch it."
"Why don’t sharks like fast food? Because they can’t catch it."
13.
"I’m not great at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?"
"I’m not great at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?"
14.
"I don’t go crazy; I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time."
"I don’t go crazy; I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time."
15.
"I thought I hit rock bottom, but then someone handed me a shovel."
"I thought I hit rock bottom, but then someone handed me a shovel."
16.
"Dogs have owners, but cats have staff."
"Dogs have owners, but cats have staff."
17.
"I told myself I should stop drinking, but I’m not about to listen to a drunk who talks to himself."
"I told myself I should stop drinking, but I’m not about to listen to a drunk who talks to himself."
18.
"Sometimes I pretend to be normal, but it gets boring, so I go back to being me."
"Sometimes I pretend to be normal, but it gets boring, so I go back to being me."
19.
"I saw a sign that said ‘watch for children,’ and I thought, ‘That sounds like a fair trade.’"
"I saw a sign that said ‘watch for children,’ and I thought, ‘That sounds like a fair trade.’"
20.
"I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort."
"I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort."
21.
"If we shouldn’t eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge?"
"If we shouldn’t eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge?"
22.
"I don’t need anger management; I need people to stop annoying me."
"I don’t need anger management; I need people to stop annoying me."
23.
"I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it."
"I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it."
24.
"I told my cat to stop being lazy. He said, ‘Meowt of my business.’"
"I told my cat to stop being lazy. He said, ‘Meowt of my business.’"
25.
"I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong."
"I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong."
26.
"I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down."
"I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down."
27.
"Why don’t we ever see ads for coffins? Because people aren’t dying to buy them."
"Why don’t we ever see ads for coffins? Because people aren’t dying to buy them."
28.
"I can resist everything except temptation."
"I can resist everything except temptation."
29.
"I’m not lazy; I’m just very energy efficient."
"I’m not lazy; I’m just very energy efficient."
30.
"I got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory."
"I got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory."
31.
"I hate it when I gain 10 pounds for a role, and then I realize I’m not an actor."
"I hate it when I gain 10 pounds for a role, and then I realize I’m not an actor."
32.
"I told my kids I wanted to be cremated. They made me an urn in art class."
"I told my kids I wanted to be cremated. They made me an urn in art class."
33.
"Life’s not a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re probably drunk."
"Life’s not a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re probably drunk."
34.
"I tried to make my dog stop chasing his tail, but he just kept getting around it."
"I tried to make my dog stop chasing his tail, but he just kept getting around it."
35.
"I have a fear of speed bumps, but I’m slowly getting over it."
"I have a fear of speed bumps, but I’m slowly getting over it."
36.
"I’m not clumsy. It’s just the floor hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way."
"I’m not clumsy. It’s just the floor hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way."
37.
"Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!"
"Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!"
38.
"Why do we call them apartments when they’re all stuck together?"
"Why do we call them apartments when they’re all stuck together?"
39.
"When nothing goes right, go left."
"When nothing goes right, go left."
40.
"I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned."
"I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned."
41.
"I’m not a morning person or a night owl. I’m just permanently exhausted."
"I’m not a morning person or a night owl. I’m just permanently exhausted."
42.
"Marriage is just texting each other, 'Do we need anything from the store?' until one of you dies."
"Marriage is just texting each other, 'Do we need anything from the store?' until one of you dies."
43.
"I’m not saying I’m Batman, but have you ever seen me and Batman in the same room?"
"I’m not saying I’m Batman, but have you ever seen me and Batman in the same room?"
44.
"I’m not lazy; I’m just on energy-saving mode."
"I’m not lazy; I’m just on energy-saving mode."
45.
"Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don’t work."
"Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don’t work."
46.
"Why do seagulls fly over the ocean? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels."
"Why do seagulls fly over the ocean? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels."
47.
"I don’t have a bucket list, but my fucket list is a mile long."
"I don’t have a bucket list, but my fucket list is a mile long."
48.
"Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it the most never use it."
"Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it the most never use it."
49.
"I thought about cleaning my house, but then I thought, ‘What’s the point? It’s just going to get dirty again.’"
"I thought about cleaning my house, but then I thought, ‘What’s the point? It’s just going to get dirty again.’"
50.
"Don’t give up on your dreams. Keep sleeping."
"Don’t give up on your dreams. Keep sleeping."
51.
"Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up."
"Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up."
52.
"I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early."
"I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early."
53.
"You’re never too old to learn something stupid."
"You’re never too old to learn something stupid."
54.
"Don’t trust atoms; they make up everything."
"Don’t trust atoms; they make up everything."
55.
"If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of car payments."
"If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of car payments."
56.
"I told my suitcase we’re not going on vacation this year. Now it’s all packed with nowhere to go."
"I told my suitcase we’re not going on vacation this year. Now it’s all packed with nowhere to go."
57.
"The first five days after the weekend are the hardest."
"The first five days after the weekend are the hardest."
58.
"I may be wrong, but I doubt it."
"I may be wrong, but I doubt it."
59.
"I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once."
"I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once."
60.
"I know the voices in my head aren’t real, but they have some great ideas."
"I know the voices in my head aren’t real, but they have some great ideas."
61.
"My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do."
"My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do."
62.
"I ate a clock yesterday. It was very time-consuming."
"I ate a clock yesterday. It was very time-consuming."
63.
"I’m not shy; I’m just holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you."
"I’m not shy; I’m just holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you."
64.
"I thought growing up would take longer."
"I thought growing up would take longer."
65.
"If Cinderella’s shoe fit perfectly, why did it fall off?"
"If Cinderella’s shoe fit perfectly, why did it fall off?"
66.
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not sure."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not sure."
67.
"I’m not a complete idiot—some pieces are missing."
"I’m not a complete idiot—some pieces are missing."
68.
"They say laughter is the best medicine, but have you tried chocolate?"
"They say laughter is the best medicine, but have you tried chocolate?"
69.
"Some people graduate with honors, I am just honored to graduate."
"Some people graduate with honors, I am just honored to graduate."
70.
"If I had a dollar for every smart thing I’ve said, I’d be broke."
"If I had a dollar for every smart thing I’ve said, I’d be broke."
71.
"I’ve learned so much from my mistakes, I’m thinking of making more."
"I’ve learned so much from my mistakes, I’m thinking of making more."
72.
"I don’t snore. I dream I’m a motorcycle."
"I don’t snore. I dream I’m a motorcycle."
73.
"I have enough money to last me the rest of my life… unless I buy something."
"I have enough money to last me the rest of my life… unless I buy something."
74.
"Chocolate doesn’t ask questions. Chocolate understands."
"Chocolate doesn’t ask questions. Chocolate understands."
75.
"I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands."
"I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands."
76.
"I named my dog ‘Five Miles,’ so I can tell people I walk five miles every day."
"I named my dog ‘Five Miles,’ so I can tell people I walk five miles every day."
77.
"I don’t make mistakes; I create learning opportunities."
"I don’t make mistakes; I create learning opportunities."
78.
"I don’t sweat—I sparkle."
"I don’t sweat—I sparkle."
79.
"I tried to lose weight, but it keeps finding me."
"I tried to lose weight, but it keeps finding me."
80.
"Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems."
"Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems."
81.
"My wallet is like an onion. When I open it, it makes me cry."
"My wallet is like an onion. When I open it, it makes me cry."
82.
"Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts."
"Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts."
83.
"Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe."
"Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe."
84.
"A clean house is a sign of a broken computer."
"A clean house is a sign of a broken computer."
85.
"I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes, so she hugged me."
"I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes, so she hugged me."
86.
"I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food."
"I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food."
87.
"I’m not procrastinating. I’m proactively delaying the inevitable."
"I’m not procrastinating. I’m proactively delaying the inevitable."
88.
"Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do."
"Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do."
89.
"Why is it called beauty sleep when you wake up looking like a troll?"
"Why is it called beauty sleep when you wake up looking like a troll?"
90.
"I just burned 1,200 calories. I forgot the pizza in the oven."
"I just burned 1,200 calories. I forgot the pizza in the oven."
91.
"Don’t worry if plan A fails; there are 25 more letters."
"Don’t worry if plan A fails; there are 25 more letters."
92.
"Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!"
"Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!"
93.
"Some people graduate with honors; I am just honored to graduate."
"Some people graduate with honors; I am just honored to graduate."
94.
"Always borrow money from a pessimist. They won’t expect it back."
"Always borrow money from a pessimist. They won’t expect it back."
95.
"I made a huge to-do list for today. I just can’t figure out who’s going to do it."
"I made a huge to-do list for today. I just can’t figure out who’s going to do it."
96.
"I can’t adult today. Please don’t make me adult."
"I can’t adult today. Please don’t make me adult."
97.
"I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia. She whispered, ‘They’re right behind you.’"
"I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia. She whispered, ‘They’re right behind you.’"
98.
"The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep!"
"The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep!"
99.
"If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you."
"If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you."
100.
"I’m not bossy; I just know what you should be doing."
"I’m not bossy; I just know what you should be doing."
101.
"The elevator to success is broken; you’ll have to take the stairs."
"The elevator to success is broken; you’ll have to take the stairs."
102.
"Life’s too short to wear matching socks."
"Life’s too short to wear matching socks."
103.
"I put my scale in the corner because it was giving me bad news."
"I put my scale in the corner because it was giving me bad news."
104.
"Age is merely the number of years the world has been enjoying you."
"Age is merely the number of years the world has been enjoying you."
105.
"I didn’t fall; the floor just needed a hug."
"I didn’t fall; the floor just needed a hug."
106.
"When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye."
"When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye."
107.
"I finally figured out what I want to be when I grow up: younger."
"I finally figured out what I want to be when I grow up: younger."
108.
"I never forget a face—but in your case, I’ll make an exception."
"I never forget a face—but in your case, I’ll make an exception."
109.
"I told my therapist about my fear of overly complicated buildings. She said I need to work on my complex issues."
"I told my therapist about my fear of overly complicated buildings. She said I need to work on my complex issues."
110.
"Exercise? I thought you said extra fries!"
"Exercise? I thought you said extra fries!"
111.
"I don’t have a bad handwriting problem; I have a font nobody else can read."
"I don’t have a bad handwriting problem; I have a font nobody else can read."
112.
"I’m not addicted to coffee. We’re just in a committed relationship."
"I’m not addicted to coffee. We’re just in a committed relationship."
113.
"I don’t go crazy; I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time."
"I don’t go crazy; I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time."
114.
"I’d like to thank my arms for always being by my side."
"I’d like to thank my arms for always being by my side."
115.
"I told my boss I need a raise. She said, ‘That’s above my pay grade.’"
"I told my boss I need a raise. She said, ‘That’s above my pay grade.’"
116.
"I’m not arguing; I’m just explaining why I’m right."
"I’m not arguing; I’m just explaining why I’m right."
117.
"If you think education is expensive, try ignorance."
"If you think education is expensive, try ignorance."
118.
"I’ve reached the age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me."
"I’ve reached the age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me."
119.
"I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised."
"I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised."
120.
"The only thing I’ve ever successfully made for dinner is reservations."
"The only thing I’ve ever successfully made for dinner is reservations."
121.
"I don’t trust stairs because they’re always up to something."
"I don’t trust stairs because they’re always up to something."
122.
"My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. It’s called lunch."
"My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. It’s called lunch."
123.
"I don’t need a hair stylist; my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning."
"I don’t need a hair stylist; my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning."
124.
"If you can’t laugh at your own problems, call me, and I’ll do it for you."
"If you can’t laugh at your own problems, call me, and I’ll do it for you."
125.
"My brain has too many tabs open."
"My brain has too many tabs open."
126.
"I have a 6-pack… somewhere under all this pizza."
"I have a 6-pack… somewhere under all this pizza."
127.
"I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it."
"I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it."
128.
"Being an adult is just walking around wondering what you’re forgetting."
"Being an adult is just walking around wondering what you’re forgetting."
129.
"Why don’t crabs give to charity? Because they’re shellfish."
"Why don’t crabs give to charity? Because they’re shellfish."
130.
"I told my plants to grow, and now they’re grounded for not listening."
"I told my plants to grow, and now they’re grounded for not listening."
131.
"I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That’s seven years in a row now."
"I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That’s seven years in a row now."
132.
"I have nothing against sleep. It’s the waking up part I can’t stand."
"I have nothing against sleep. It’s the waking up part I can’t stand."
133.
"If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success."
"If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success."
134.
"If stress burned calories, I’d be a supermodel."
"If stress burned calories, I’d be a supermodel."
135.
"A day without laughter is a day wasted, but so is a day without pizza."
"A day without laughter is a day wasted, but so is a day without pizza."
136.
"Why did the computer go to the doctor? It caught a virus."
"Why did the computer go to the doctor? It caught a virus."
137.
"People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day."
"People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day."
138.
"I’m not lazy; I’m just highly motivated to do nothing."
"I’m not lazy; I’m just highly motivated to do nothing."
139.
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure."
140.
"I’m not overweight; I’m just under-tall."
"I’m not overweight; I’m just under-tall."
141.
"Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one."
"Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one."
142.
"I wish everything was as easy as getting fat."
"I wish everything was as easy as getting fat."
143.
"They say money talks, but mine just waves goodbye."
"They say money talks, but mine just waves goodbye."
144.
"They say ‘don’t try this at home,’ so I’m coming over to your house to try it."
"They say ‘don’t try this at home,’ so I’m coming over to your house to try it."
145.
"I’m on cloud wine."
"I’m on cloud wine."
146.
"I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed."
"I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed."
147.
"I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it."
"I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it."
148.
"Some people wake up looking like a million bucks. I wake up looking like loose change."
"Some people wake up looking like a million bucks. I wake up looking like loose change."
149.
"I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already."
"I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already."
150.
"My cooking is so good, even the smoke alarm cheers me on."
"My cooking is so good, even the smoke alarm cheers me on."
151.
"Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing."
"Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing."
152.
"Life’s too short to fold fitted sheets."
"Life’s too short to fold fitted sheets."
153.
"Why don’t we ever see baby pigeons? Conspiracy?"
"Why don’t we ever see baby pigeons? Conspiracy?"
154.
"Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems."
"Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems."
155.
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
156.
"I’m not a morning person. I’m barely an afternoon person."
"I’m not a morning person. I’m barely an afternoon person."
157.
"I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me KitKats."
"I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me KitKats."
158.
"It’s funny how nobody notices what you do until you don’t do it."
"It’s funny how nobody notices what you do until you don’t do it."
159.
"I’m not short; I’m concentrated awesome."
"I’m not short; I’m concentrated awesome."
160.
"I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case there’s cheesecake."
"I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case there’s cheesecake."
161.
"I need six months of vacation, twice a year."
"I need six months of vacation, twice a year."
162.
"I run on caffeine, chaos, and inappropriate humor."
"I run on caffeine, chaos, and inappropriate humor."
163.
"I always say ‘morning’ instead of ‘good morning,’ because if it was a good morning, I’d still be in bed."
"I always say ‘morning’ instead of ‘good morning,’ because if it was a good morning, I’d still be in bed."
164.
"I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five or six times, just to be sure."
"I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five or six times, just to be sure."
165.
"I thought about losing weight, but I don’t like losing."
"I thought about losing weight, but I don’t like losing."
166.
"Wine doesn’t solve problems, but neither does water."
"Wine doesn’t solve problems, but neither does water."
167.
"My goal this weekend is to move just enough so people don’t think I’m dead."
"My goal this weekend is to move just enough so people don’t think I’m dead."
168.
"Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet."
"Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet."
169.
"I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but I turned myself around."
"I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but I turned myself around."
170.
"I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug."
"I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug."
171.
"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."
"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."
172.
"I like long walks, especially when they’re taken by people who annoy me."
"I like long walks, especially when they’re taken by people who annoy me."
173.
"I tried to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough."
"I tried to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough."
174.
"There’s no need to repeat yourself. I ignored you just fine the first time."
"There’s no need to repeat yourself. I ignored you just fine the first time."
175.
"Life’s too short to be serious all the time, so if you can’t laugh at yourself… call me, and I’ll do it for you."
"Life’s too short to be serious all the time, so if you can’t laugh at yourself… call me, and I’ll do it for you."
176.
"Why don’t oysters donate to charity? Because they’re shellfish."
"Why don’t oysters donate to charity? Because they’re shellfish."
177.
"Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two tired."
"Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two tired."
178.
"I don’t always go the extra mile, but when I do, it’s because I missed my exit."
"I don’t always go the extra mile, but when I do, it’s because I missed my exit."
179.
"The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
"The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
180.
"I’m not a hoarder; I’m just really good at finding potential in things."
"I’m not a hoarder; I’m just really good at finding potential in things."
181.
"I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life."
"I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life."
182.
"I’m not lazy; I’m on power-saving mode."
"I’m not lazy; I’m on power-saving mode."
183.
"I’m on a 30-day diet. So far, I’ve lost 15 days."
"I’m on a 30-day diet. So far, I’ve lost 15 days."
184.
"My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. It’s called lunch."
"My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. It’s called lunch."
185.
"The road to success is always under construction."
"The road to success is always under construction."
186.
"I’m not clumsy; the floor hates me, and the walls are bullies."
"I’m not clumsy; the floor hates me, and the walls are bullies."
187.
"I’d tell you a chemistry joke, but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction."
"I’d tell you a chemistry joke, but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction."
188.
"Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until they speak."
"Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until they speak."
189.
"I used to think I had a photographic memory, but it was never developed."
"I used to think I had a photographic memory, but it was never developed."
190.
"I don’t trip; I do random gravity checks."
"I don’t trip; I do random gravity checks."
191.
"I’m not lazy. I’m just very relaxed."
"I’m not lazy. I’m just very relaxed."
192.
"I didn’t trip; I was just testing gravity."
"I didn’t trip; I was just testing gravity."
193.
"I put the ‘pro’ in procrastination."
"I put the ‘pro’ in procrastination."
194.
"I put my phone on airplane mode, but it’s not flying!"
"I put my phone on airplane mode, but it’s not flying!"
195.
"I love my job only when I’m on vacation."
"I love my job only when I’m on vacation."
196.
"I wanted to lose weight, but then I discovered cupcakes."
"I wanted to lose weight, but then I discovered cupcakes."
197.
"I accidentally took the wrong medication today, and now I’m speaking fluent sarcasm."
"I accidentally took the wrong medication today, and now I’m speaking fluent sarcasm."
198.
"There’s no ‘I’ in denial."
"There’s no ‘I’ in denial."
199.
"I’d quit coffee, but I’m not a quitter."
"I’d quit coffee, but I’m not a quitter."
200.
"Why do trees seem suspicious on sunny days? They’re a little shady."
"Why do trees seem suspicious on sunny days? They’re a little shady."